“This Protest Sure Is Neato,” Says Man Who Hasn’t Moved More Than 6 Feet Since Clocking Out, While His Meatloaf Waits at Home

by | Apr 6, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire

Share This Article

PORTLAND, OR — Local accountant Greg Waller, 42, expressed mild admiration through clenched teeth Thursday evening as he sat motionless in traffic for the third consecutive hour due to a massive anti-Trump protest downtown.

“This protest sure is neato,” Waller muttered to himself, beads of stress sweat soaking into his collar as a group of teenagers with painted signs and an alarming number of tambourines danced past his windshield. “Really glad I get to participate in civic engagement against my will.”

Waller, who clocked out of work at exactly 5:02 p.m. and has since progressed a total of six feet, originally planned to eat leftover meatloaf and catch up on 1923 before bed. Instead, he has spent the evening absorbing the distant sound of coordinated chanting and watching a guy on a unicycle yell about fascism.

Sources say Waller briefly considered reversing into oncoming traffic, but opted to preserve what remained of his insurance deductible.

“It’s really cool,” Waller added flatly, watching a protester climb a traffic light in a handmade eagle costume. “I’ve always wanted to experience gridlock and political theater at the same time.”

At press time, Waller was seen closing his eyes and whispering a soft prayer for any god who might deliver him a working off-ramp — or at the very least, a signal that turns green.


Share This Article

Written By Tyler James

Tyler James, founder of That Oregon Life, is a true Oregon native whose love for his state runs deep. Since the inception of the blog in 2013, his unbridled passion for outdoor adventures and the natural beauty of Oregon has been the cornerstone of his work. As a father to two beautiful children, Tyler is always in pursuit of new experiences to enrich his family’s life. He curates content that not only reflects his adventures but also encourages others to set out and create precious memories in the majestic landscapes of Oregon. Tyler's vision and guidance are integral to his role as publisher and editor, shaping the blog into a source of inspiration for exploring the wonders of Oregon.

Related Articles

Portland Man Found Guilty in Smith Rock Mass Shooting Plot

Portland Man Found Guilty in Smith Rock Mass Shooting Plot

BEND, Ore. — A Deschutes County jury has found 41-year-old Samson Garner guilty of plotting a mass shooting at Smith Rock State Park’s Craggin’ Classic climbing festival in 2023, Central Oregon Daily News reported. The unanimous verdict, delivered Thursday, convicted...

Two Oregon Towns Named Among America’s Best Fall Getaways

Two Oregon Towns Named Among America’s Best Fall Getaways

If you’re dreaming of a cozy autumn getaway surrounded by crisp air and colorful leaves, you won’t have to travel far—Oregon has you covered. A new report from vacation rental company HomeToGo places two Oregon towns among the best destinations in the country for fall...

Charlie Kirk Shot During Event at Utah Valley University

Charlie Kirk Shot During Event at Utah Valley University

Charlie Kirk, executive director of Turning Point USA (TPUSA) and a prominent conservative activist, was shot Wednesday while hosting an event at Utah Valley University. Video circulating on social media shows Kirk being struck while speaking under a tent in the...

X