by Tyler James | Apr 5, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
SWEET HOME, OR — After weeks of intense financial planning and one extremely awkward meeting with a steak loan officer, local dad Ron Beckett has officially secured a down payment on two USDA Choice ribeye steaks—just in time for his long-awaited weekend BBQ. “We had...
by Tyler James | Apr 5, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
Salem, Oregon — In a moving display of parental love mixed with economic nihilism, local couple Doug and Melissa Jenkins sat their 17-year-old son Caleb down Tuesday night for what they solemnly called “The American Dream Talk”—a beloved Jenkins family tradition in...
by Tyler James | Apr 4, 2025 | Adventures, Humor, News, Satire
SPRINGFIELD, OR — Residents of a quiet suburban street were once again reassured by the familiar clanking of socket wrenches and muttered profanity echoing through the neighborhood as that really cool methy neighbor resumed work on his eternally disassembled Honda...
by Tyler James | Apr 4, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
BEND, OR — Brad Collins, a proud Bend transplant who moved from San Diego just 13 months ago, is reportedly really getting sick of all the Californians flooding into town like they own the place. “Everywhere I look it’s Teslas, goldendoodles, and someone in a...
by Tyler James | Apr 3, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
“At first it was just trees. Then it was THE trees.” OREGON CASCADES — A groundbreaking new study from the Pacific Northwest Institute of Vibes has revealed what most Oregon hikers already know in their hearts: hiking is pretty mid until the edibles hit. According to...
by Tyler James | Apr 2, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in a local community Slack channel today after a Portland man reportedly became deeply offended by the headline of an article that hadn’t even been written yet. Sources confirm that 32-year-old River Moss-Fernwood (they/them), who...
by Tyler James | Apr 2, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
MINNETONKA, MN — In a daring move sure to disrupt the healthcare industry, UnitedHealthcare unveiled its most ambitious policy overhaul yet: a bold new plan to cover absolutely nothing. “We’ve listened to our customers,” said CEO Clive E. Denial, during a press...
by Tyler James | Apr 2, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated...
by Tyler James | Apr 2, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning...
by Tyler James | Apr 1, 2025 | Humor, Satire
EUGENE, OR — Local residents were comforted Sunday morning after officials confirmed that the sketchy man pedaling a squeaky mountain bike in a sagging jacket and backwards cap—while hollering at a tree about "leaf surveillance"—was “almost definitely just trying to...
