by Tyler James | Apr 8, 2025 | News, Satire
CRATER LAKE, OR — In a shocking but increasingly routine display of aquatic fury, the legendary Crater Lake Monster emerged from the lake’s impossibly blue depths Thursday afternoon and promptly devoured an entire boat tour, later blaming the impulsive act on a group...
by Tyler James | Apr 8, 2025 | Adventures, Humor, News, Satire
ORLANDO, FL — A groundbreaking new theme park is making headlines for its two revolutionary promises: no children in the lazy river — and every adult will be aggressively blacked out by lunchtime. Lazy River Lagoon, opening this summer, has been described as “Spring...
by Tyler James | Apr 8, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
SALEM, OR — In response to the growing public disdain for Elon Musk and the unfortunate social consequences of driving something associated with him, the Oregon DMV has announced a new mandatory six-week course for all Tesla owners titled: “Why Your Car Is Wrong and...
by Tyler James | Apr 6, 2025 | News, Satire
EUGENE, OR — In a shocking display of follicular fortitude, Eugene resident River Moonstone has shattered all known records — and possibly local zoning ordinances — by growing a single dreadlock that now stretches, according to witnesses, "all the way down the street...
by Tyler James | Apr 6, 2025 | News, Satire
NEEDLES, CA — Oregon native Daniel Price thought he was making a quick pit stop for gas and a restroom on his long drive through the California desert, but instead found himself in a quiet, humiliating standoff Thursday morning when the gas station clerk—without...
by Tyler James | Apr 6, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
In a baffling but somehow deeply Oregonian development, state officials have confirmed that the recently vacated site of Haystack Rock at Cannon Beach has now been filled with the Oregon Pioneer—better known as the Gold Man from atop the Oregon State Capitol. The...
by Tyler James | Apr 6, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
PORTLAND, OR — Local accountant Greg Waller, 42, expressed mild admiration through clenched teeth Thursday evening as he sat motionless in traffic for the third consecutive hour due to a massive anti-Trump protest downtown. “This protest sure is neato,” Waller...
by Tyler James | Apr 6, 2025 | News, Satire
CANNON BEACH, Ore. – In what wildlife officials are calling “a majestic act of nature,” a tufted puffin at Cannon Beach reportedly took a perfectly aimed, suspiciously intentional poo directly onto the head of an unsuspecting tourist from Des Moines. Witnesses say the...
by Tyler James | Apr 5, 2025 | News, Satire
In a groundbreaking study that surprises absolutely no one, researchers have confirmed that 97% of the average person's time on streaming platforms is spent endlessly scrolling through titles while slowly losing the will to live—despite having more than six active...
by Tyler James | Apr 5, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
EUGENE, OR — City officials are urging residents to stop feeding psychedelic mushrooms to local squirrels, after what one parks employee described as a “full-blown squirrel consciousness shift” unfolded near the duck pond at Alton Baker Park earlier this week. “We’ve...
