Boring, Oregon – In a quiet act of denial witnessed by absolutely no one, 52-year-old Brian Cutler stood motionless over his laundry basket Monday afternoon, clutching a pair of severely compromised boxers he’s owned since the Bush administration. The boxers, described by family members as “a mesh network of fabric and regret,” had reportedly suffered a catastrophic rip near the lower left quadrant during a routine lawn-mowing session. Brian, eyes glassy and distant, reportedly whispered “damn...