SALEM, OR — In a move hailed by absolutely no one outside the Portland metro area, Oregon lawmakers have officially banned conservatives from residing in the state, citing “vibe mismatch” and “continued misuse of the word ‘woke.’” The emergency legislation, passed 31–0 after all dissenting lawmakers were politely asked to “go back to Idaho,” is expected to take effect immediately. U-Haul locations across southern Oregon are already reporting record demand as confused former residents...