PORTLAND, OR — A Southern California tourist was escorted to the Oregon–California border Tuesday after loudly referring to the Willamette River as the “Will-Uh-Mah-Tee,” a pronunciation so catastrophically off-base that officials classified it as an “Immediate Deportation Scenario.” The incident occurred inside a downtown Portland food hall, where the tourist — identified only as “Brad from Huntington Beach” — pointed at a mural and confidently said, “Hey babe, look, it’s the Will-Uh-Mah-Tee...