News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Weirdo Boldly Reads Newspaper in Public Instead of Mindlessly Doomscrolling Like the Rest of Us

PORTLAND, OR — In a bizarre scene that left passersby unsettled, a local weirdo was spotted yesterday morning sitting alone on a park bench downtown, openly reading a physical newspaper instead of doomscrolling his phone like a normal, emotionally fragile person. Eyewitnesses reported that the man...

Sad: Loser Photographer Just Needs to Give it Up, Because Let’s Be Honest His Work is Trash

Roseburg, OR — In a heartbreaking but entirely predictable development, local Roseburg man Tyler McMannis reportedly spent yet another weekend wandering Oregon’s scenic trails, clinging desperately to his Canon EOS camera like it wasn’t already over for him. Witnesses spotted McMannis near the...

Oregon Named Best State To Raise A Little Free-Range Anarchist With A Trust Fund

PORTLAND, OR — In news that surprised absolutely no one and disappointed absolutely everyone’s grandparents, Oregon has officially been named the best state to raise a little free-range anarchist with a trust fund. The groundbreaking report, issued by the National Institute for Highly Specific...

Prineville Proudly Becomes First Sanctuary City for Straight White Men

PRINEVILLE, OR — In a historic move celebrated by men who still know how to change a tire, Prineville has officially declared itself the first Sanctuary City for Straight White Men in Oregon — and maybe the last safe place left west of Idaho. The resolution, passed unanimously on April 24, comes...

80s Babies Rejoice As ‘From A Hose’ Bottled Water Finally Hits Store Shelves

U.S. — In a move hailed as “the greatest beverage innovation since Tang,” Crystal Stream announced today the release of their new limited-edition bottled water flavor, “From A Hose,” sending shockwaves of nostalgia through millions of Americans born in the 1980s. The product promises to deliver...
Undersea Gardens to close on the Oregon Coast

Undersea Gardens to close on the Oregon Coast

After more than 50 years, the Oregon Undersea Gardens in Newport is closing their doors for good. According to their post on social media, they will be open for free public tours until Sunday, September 8. “It has been a great journey, but it is time to move on,” the...

Milepost 97 Fire Grows to Over 11,000 Acres

Milepost 97 Fire Grows to Over 11,000 Acres

The Milepost 97 Fire south of Canyonville, which sources say was caused by a human, began on Wednesday night and as of 9:30 a.m. has grown to over 11,000 acres. With no expected containment date in sight, at this time the blaze is threatening 586 structures. According...

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