Satire

EUGENE, OR — In a scene that has become all too familiar in the notoriously congested parking lot of Eugene's Costco, a local man was observed steadfastly waiting with his blinker on for a prime parking spot near the cart corral, despite the current occupant—a woman meticulously buckling her three...

PORTLAND, OR — In a landmark decision for aquatic rights, Oregon lawmakers have passed legislation requiring anglers to obtain verbal consent from fish before attempting to catch them. House Bill 4042, known officially as the “Hooked on Consent Act,” was signed into law this week, ushering in what...

PORTLAND, OR — In a bold move to finally escape his parents' basement and experience the magic of paying $2,100 a month for 380 square feet of “industrial charm,” local man Kyle Dennison has successfully sold one of his kidneys to secure a studio apartment in Portland. “I figured I only need one...

PORTLAND, OR — In a shocking but deeply on-brand move, Portland officials have unveiled a towering bronze statue of Tonya Harding in the heart of Pioneer Courthouse Square — a tribute to athleticism, Oregon grit, and the art of “solving problems with a skate in hand and a don’t-mess-with-me...

SWEET HOME, OREGON — What started as a relaxing weekend drive took a tragic turn Saturday afternoon when local man Derek Mitchell was emotionally ambushed mid-guitar solo during Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird.” According to sources inside the vehicle, Derek had just cranked the volume to a respectful...