Satire

Walmart Warns Tariffs May Disrupt Flow of Goods Timed to Fail at 12:01 A.M. on Day 366

BENTONVILLE, AR — In a somber press conference held just steps from the seasonal bin of half-melted phone chargers, Walmart executives issued a stark warning Monday: rising tariffs on Chinese imports may severely disrupt the company’s ability to stock products precisely engineered to break one...

That Oregon Life Declared State’s Most Reliable News Source After Accidentally Predicting Reality

SALEM, Ore. — In a development no one saw coming—except maybe That Oregon Life itself—the popular Oregon-based satire and lifestyle site has officially been declared the most reliable news source in the state, after yet another one of its “clearly made-up” articles somehow came true. The...

New Bra Drop Zones Encourage Hikers to ‘Let the Girls Breathe’ at 4,000 Feet

BEND, OR — In an effort to support Oregon’s most sacred mountaintop ritual — the spontaneous act of lifting one’s shirt dramatically at the summit — the U.S. Forest Service has unveiled newly designated Bra Drop Zones at popular hiking trails across the state. “These zones are a safe space for...

New Final Destination In Theaters, but 90s Kids Still White-Knuckling Steering Wheels Behind Logging Trucks Say “Absolutely Not”

Bend, OR — The long-awaited legacy sequel Final Destination: Bloodlines is now terrifying audiences in theaters nationwide, reigniting a very specific trauma among 90s kids: the paralyzing fear of being pulverized by airborne lumber on the freewa “I haven’t driven behind a log truck since Final...

Dad Knows It’s Time to Let Go, Yet Folds the Boxers and Gently Returns Them to the Drawer

Boring, Oregon – In a quiet act of denial witnessed by absolutely no one, 52-year-old Brian Cutler stood motionless over his laundry basket Monday afternoon, clutching a pair of severely compromised boxers he’s owned since the Bush administration. The boxers, described by family members as “a mesh...

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