News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Springfield to Get Two More Car Washes, Leaving Local Residents Absolutely Speechless with Joy

SPRINGFIELD, OREGON—Local residents can finally breathe a sigh of relief as city officials have approved the construction of two brand-new car washes, bringing the city’s already impressive total to way too many. With this latest addition, locals will have even more opportunities to spend a small...

Oregon to Replace Stop Signs with ‘Gentle Suggestions’ to Avoid ‘Harmful Command Language’

‘Telling Cars When to Stop Is a Form of Road Privilege’ Oregon has officially banned stop signs in an effort to create a more inclusive and emotionally safe driving experience. According to the state’s Department of Transportation, the word “STOP” is simply too aggressive and could be perceived as...

Trump Suggests Adding His Face to Mount Rushmore, Proposes ‘Executive Order’ to Expedite

In a move that shocked absolutely no one, President Donald Trump has reportedly suggested—and seemingly succeeded in—adding his face to Mount Rushmore, citing his "tremendous" accomplishments, "record-breaking presidency," and "undeniably perfect jawline." According to sources close to the...

Local Woman Proudly Shows Off ‘Check Engine’ Light That Has Been On Since 2018

Local woman Jessica Reynolds is beaming with pride after successfully keeping her car’s “Check Engine” light on for an impressive six years, setting what experts are calling a “remarkable new record in automotive neglect.” “I don’t even see it anymore,” Reynolds said, sipping a venti caramel...

Small Town Officials Approve 8th Dollar General, Say ‘We’re Just Gonna Keep Going’

Residents of Pine Hollow, Oregon, barely had time to recover from the ribbon-cutting of their 7th Dollar General before town officials announced the construction of store #8—directly across the street. The decision, described by Mayor Tom Wilkins as “inevitable,” was met with mixed reactions,...
Legendary Comedian Bob Newhart Dies at 94

Legendary Comedian Bob Newhart Dies at 94

Bob Newhart, the legendary stand-up comedian known for his distinctive, deadpan delivery, passed away Thursday morning at the age of 94. A Chicago native, Newhart rose to fame with his 1960 breakthrough album, "The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart," which won Grammy...

Kah-Nee-Ta Resort Sets Reopening Date After Long-Awaited Renovation

Kah-Nee-Ta Resort Sets Reopening Date After Long-Awaited Renovation

After years of renovations, delays, and anticipation, Kah-Nee-Ta Hot Springs Resort has finally announced its reopening date. The Warm Springs resort revealed on Monday that it will welcome guests again starting Thursday, July 18. Visitors can look forward to enjoying...

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