News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Tourist Mispronounces Willamette, Immediately Deported Back to California

PORTLAND, OR — A Southern California tourist was escorted to the Oregon–California border Tuesday after loudly referring to the Willamette River as the “Will-Uh-Mah-Tee,” a pronunciation so catastrophically off-base that officials classified it as an “Immediate Deportation Scenario.” The incident...

State Officials Confirm Half of Oregon Thanksgiving Traffic Caused by One Toyota Prius Going 41 in a 55

SALEM, OR — In a shocking but somehow completely predictable Thanksgiving Day update, state transportation officials confirmed Thursday that roughly 50% of all traffic congestion on Interstate 5 can be traced back to a single silver Toyota Prius traveling at a spiritually centered 41 miles per...

Nike Founder Drops 3 Million to Boost Republicans While Kotek Faces Bottom Tier Approval

Nike founder Phil Knight has made his largest political contribution ever to Oregon Republicans with a 3 million dollar donation to the Bring Balance to Salem PAC on October 22 according to campaign finance filings. The PAC is focused on helping Republicans gain seats in the Oregon Legislature...

Bend Now Requiring All New Residents To Pick Up Mandatory Puffy Black Columbia Jacket At City Hall

BEND, OR — In a move city officials are calling “a natural evolution of our community’s identity,” Bend has officially begun requiring all new residents to report to City Hall within 48 hours of arrival to collect their mandatory puffy black Columbia jacket. The ordinance, passed unanimously by...

Oregon Governor Teases Possibility of Asking Voters First Before Approving Massive Legislation

SALEM, Ore. — In what political scientists are calling “the most shocking development since the invention of public comment,” Oregon Governor Tina Kotek reportedly suggested she may one day consider asking actual residents for input before approving enormous tax increases or signing...
Washington Couple Accused of Sick Plan to Drug and Abduct a Child

Washington Couple Accused of Sick Plan to Drug and Abduct a Child

People just north of us in Yelm are shaken after investigators say they uncovered something truly horrifying inside one Washington couples home. Detectives say it was a disturbing plan to abduct a child, drug them, and commit crimes that are almost beyond...

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