WASHINGTON, D.C. — Longtime U.S. Senator Ron Wyden (D–NY by lifestyle, OR by paperwork) reportedly had a fleeting thought about visiting the state of Oregon this week, according to sources close to his travel assistant. The moment occurred while he was booking a three-day spa retreat in Litchfield County, Connecticut, to recover from the stress of voting "present" on several non-controversial bills.
Witnesses say the Oregon-born senator stared blankly at a screen saver of Crater Lake for approximately 2.6 seconds before muttering, “Hmm, I should go there sometime,” and immediately clicking over to reserve a eucalyptus facial and deep tissue massage package at The Mayflower Inn.
“He’s very committed to representing the people of Oregon,” said a staffer while entering “Where is Medford?” into Google. “He often reflects on the state’s beauty—usually while soaking in Himalayan salt baths on the East Coast.”
Wyden, who is technically still listed as a resident of Oregon despite spending most of his time in a Manhattan high-rise, has not been seen in the Beaver State since briefly waving at it from a layover flight in 2017.
When asked whether a visit was truly in the works, Wyden replied, “Absolutely. Oregon is always in my heart, especially when I’m enjoying rustic decor in upscale New England spas that remind me of nature.”
At press time, he was overheard telling his masseuse, “The people of Bend would love this cucumber water.”
