OREGON — In yet another crushing blow to dessert lovers and economic optimism, Oregon-based creamery Tillamaybe has officially replaced its iconic 48 oz ice cream tub with what it’s calling a "micro-pint" — a portion so small it legally qualifies as a sample.
The company, long known for generous scoops and farmer-friendly vibes, says the change was “inevitable” due to ongoing inflation, rising ingredient costs, and the American public’s stubborn desire to still afford rent.
“We didn’t want to do this,” said a Tillamaybe spokesperson, gently holding up the new container between two fingers. “But after running the numbers, we realized it was either shrink the ice cream tub or start charging $13.49 per pint. And nobody wants to pay gourmet prices for basic vanilla sadness.”
The new micro-pint is being marketed as “portion-conscious,” “eco-friendly,” and “emotionally manageable.” It’s designed to contain one full adult spoonful or three toddler licks — four if you ration it between crying.
Features of the New Micro-Pint:
- Same price as the full tub, but with more room for personal growth.
- Now fits perfectly in your coat pocket and your financial anxiety.
- Comes with a QR code to a budgeting podcast.
Oregonians have expressed mixed reactions. “I opened it and thought it was a joke,” said local resident Dana Keller. “I thought there was a false bottom or maybe a hidden compartment. But nope — just enough rocky road to remind me of my student loans.”
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Meanwhile, Tillamaybe has hinted at future innovations like the “air-pint” (zero calories, zero ice cream, $6.99), and a luxury line of flavors designed for the post-middle-class lifestyle, including:
- Financial Despair Fudge
- Eviction Vanilla Bean
- Raspberry Regret
- Mint Conditioned to Accept Less
Despite the outcry, the creamery says it stands by its decision.
“It’s not about the size,” the spokesperson added. “It’s about the experience — and inflation is just part of the experience now.”
