Oregon residents are in for a ruff week as meteorologists confirm that, yes, it will indeed be raining cats and dogs for the next seven days straight. With fluffy precipitation already falling in some areas, local shelters are struggling to keep up, and pet stores are reporting record sales of emergency litter boxes and chew toys.
“It started as a light drizzle of kittens this morning,” said Eugene resident Mark Swanson, who was caught outside without an umbrella. “By the time I made it home, I had a beagle stuck in my hoodie and a very confused Persian cat clinging to my backpack.” Swanson, who now owns both animals, says he’s just accepting his fate at this point.
The National Weather Service issued an official statement advising Oregonians to “exercise caution when stepping outside, as the risk of getting smacked in the face with a falling dachshund remains high.” Officials also warned that fur accumulation on roads could lead to “significant paw-traction issues,” and motorists should expect delays due to startled golden retrievers refusing to move out of traffic.
Animal shelters across the state have declared a state of emergency, overwhelmed by the sheer volume of airborne pets. “We’re at full capacity,” said Linda Thompson, director of the Portland Humane Society. “We took in 83 wet Labradors before noon, and our staff is still trying to catch a fleet of airborne Siamese cats currently circling downtown like some sort of fluffy weather phenomenon.”
Meanwhile, dog parks are reporting chaos as “sky puppies” continue to fall from above, turning the usual afternoon playtime into what experts are calling an unprecedented cuteness emergency. “I came here with one dog,” said Bend resident Katie Miller, wiping a soggy corgi off her windshield. “Now I have four. I don’t know whose they are, but they won’t leave.”
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Grocery stores are struggling to keep up with demand as shoppers frantically stock up on essential storm supplies, including kibble, catnip, and an alarming number of lint rollers. Local veterinarians are also reporting an influx of new pet owners suffering from “instant attachment syndrome” after being unexpectedly hit in the face with a teacup poodle.
Despite the chaos, some Oregonians are embracing the strange weather. One Portland startup has already announced plans for a “Rainy Day Pet Exchange” app, allowing users to trade unwanted weather-adopted animals with others in their area. Another local entrepreneur has begun selling reinforced umbrellas with built-in scratching posts, which have already sold out.
As the storm continues, experts advise residents to keep their windows shut unless they are prepared for an unsolicited house cat. In true Oregonian spirit, many are already adjusting to the new normal. "This is fine," said longtime Salem resident Tom Wheeler, brushing a very damp Pomeranian off his lawn chair. "At least it’s not raining possums."
