Oregon has once again led the way in groundbreaking criminal justice reform by introducing its newest and toughest sentencing policy yet: Naughty Time. Under this bold initiative, criminals will no longer be subjected to outdated punishments like jail time or parole. Instead, they will face the ultimate consequence—having their recess privileges revoked until they “learn their lesson.”
The new system is simple. Upon conviction, offenders are guided to a designated Naughty Time Area where they must stand quietly in the corner while facing the wall, reflect on their actions, and absolutely no roughhousing is allowed. If an offender so much as wiggles in their seat too much, the judge may impose the strictest penalty on the books: an additional five minutes of silence.
Judges across Oregon are already praising the policy. “Locking people up is expensive,” said one judge. “This way, we can just make them stand there, arms crossed, while we shake our heads in extreme disappointment.”
For violent repeat offenders, the consequences are even more severe. Those who continue their bad behavior will be placed on a behavior chart and may even be assigned a ‘Very Disappointed Buddy’ who will check in weekly to ask, “Are we making better choices now?”
While critics argue that this approach might be slightly too lenient for individuals with multiple felony convictions, state officials insist it’s a fair yet firm solution. “Taking away recess is no joke,” one lawmaker said. “Do you know how boring it is to watch all your friends play while you have to sit and do absolutely nothing? It’s devastating. We think this will really make them think twice before committing armed robbery again.”
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Early results are mixed. One man convicted of assault lasted four whole minutes in Naughty Time before breaking into a run and declaring himself “King of the Playground.” Another, sentenced to a full hour of no recess, reportedly chewed his way through a juice box straw in frustration before escaping on a stolen electric scooter.
Despite minor hiccups, Oregon remains committed to its innovative justice system. Next up for consideration: replacing community service with "Mandatory Craft Time," where criminals will be forced to make macaroni art that says "I'm sorry."
