Oregon Becomes First State To Legalize Molly

SALEM, OR – 

Oregon has been in the news all year for legalizing marijuana for recreational use, and legalizing weed is only the beginning. Following the heels of the wave of marijuana legalization, some might be surprised to hear the Oregon state legislature has decided to legalize the popular street drug Molly. Recreational use of Molly will become fully legal in the state by the end of the year.

Kate-Brown
“Now everybody trippin’ like they poppin’ molly” shouted Kate Brown

The decision was met with controversy, but “no more or less than the original decision to legalize marijuana,” Governor Kate Brown stated. The state is still figuring out some guidelines and ground rules for suppliers, such as purity levels, permits, and health code requirements.

While Kate Brown has only been governor for only 2 days, her decision may come as a shock to many Oregonians. Governor Brown did not comment on whether or not she pops Molly herself.

One of the major points in making this decision came from the fact that so many unknown chemicals are being used when producing Molly.

Unlike MDMA and other illegal drugs that have known effects on the body, the formulas for these synthetic drugs keep changing, and they’re manufactured with no regard to how they affect the user. With it being legal, this allows our government to fully control, manufacture, and regulate the synthetic drug. This way, those who are popping Molly will know they are getting Molly in pure form through a trusted source, instead of a street dealer.

“By legalizing, monitoring, and taxing Molly, we will not only cut down on inmates and care costs, but also open up a whole new job market,” Brown explained. “It’s a good situation all around, especially for taxpayers.”

Some of the decision’s most outspoken opponents, however, have been current dealers.

download“Making it legal is a terrible idea,” a dealer, who chooses to remain anonymous, told That Oregon Life. “We don’t want it regulated. We’re killing it stacking paper right now, but regular guys like me won’t be able to keep up with all the government regulations. This is gonna put me out of a job!”

Nonetheless, experts estimate this act will drop the state’s debt by as much as 50% in the first year. This may translate into tax cuts, more public projects, better road maintenance, and possibly even government rehabilitation programs for more dangerous drugs like cigarettes.

“If they want people to not buy drugs legally, then for crying out loud they should shut down every Starbucks in the United States.” Said Oregon representative Greg Walden. “Marijuana, Molly – what’s the difference? The revenue the state is bringing in, it’s astronomical. Health is one thing, but we’re talking about money here.”

Everyone's high as sh*t on Molly
Everyone’s high as sh*t on Molly

 

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10 COMMENTS

  1. What in the flying f*$k so glad to see all these people care about is how big of a tax break its going to be for oregon instead of hey we are going to have a bunch of people higher than kites thanks oregon dip shits

  2. Hahaha! Thank you for your amazing sarcastic insights to life in Oregon. I really needed it today! I’m pretty amazed that the others that have commented don’t realize that this is OBVIOUSLY a well thought out sarcastic “real life” story of Oregon and in no way would be true lol.

  3. Ok if this is true then Oregon needs better State Leaders….all through this article I was waiting for the blog to dissipate and that clown to show up next to the text “you just got owned” this is insane!!