by Tyler James | Jun 13, 2025 | News, Satire
SALEM, OR — Nostalgia hit hard this week for 42-year-old Brent Halverson, who fondly remembered a simpler time when seatbelts were optional, ashtrays were full, and his mother hotboxed a two-door Nissan Sentra like she was training for a Marlboro Light 100s endurance...
by Tyler James | Jun 12, 2025 | Crime, News
Another Portland protest turned dangerous Wednesday night after demonstrators attempted to set fire to the federal ICE building in South Portland. According to Portland Police, the incident escalated just before 10 p.m. when officers observed a man stacking flammable...
by Tyler James | Jun 11, 2025 | News, Satire
PORTLAND, OR — Tension rippled through Powell’s City of Books on Tuesday after a smooth-skinned weirdo with no visible tattoos and—more disturbingly—no bumper stickers on his car was seen casually walking into the store. Witnesses say the man, described by one...
by Tyler James | Jun 11, 2025 | Fire, News, Wildfires
ROWENA, Ore. — A fast-moving wildfire erupted Wednesday afternoon near the iconic Rowena Crest viewpoint in the Columbia River Gorge, forcing urgent Level 3 “Go Now” evacuations in the area. The Wasco County Sheriff’s Office reported the fire shortly after 1:30 p.m.,...
by Tyler James | Jun 11, 2025 | News, Satire
PORTLAND, OR — In anticipation of this weekend’s peaceful protest that definitely won’t involve any windows mysteriously shattering themselves, city health officials have released a helpful reminder to all would-be demonstrators: “Don’t forget to stretch before...
by Tyler James | Jun 11, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
OREGON — It was supposed to be just another day of lazy tubing, questionable sunscreen application, and aggressively warm seltzers. But for one local woman, the universe had something deeper in store — a reckoning of the soul, delivered via footwear. Kayla Dunham, 31,...
by Tyler James | Jun 11, 2025 | News
GRANTS PASS, Ore. — One of Oregon’s most iconic brands is making a big move—but says it’s not turning its back on the Beaver State. Dutch Bros, the wildly popular coffee chain that got its start as a humble pushcart in Grants Pass in 1992, announced this week that...
by Tyler James | Jun 11, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
NOGALES, AZ — Migrants attempting to cross the U.S.-Mexico border fled in confusion and terror this week after federal agents deployed a towering AI-generated hologram of former President Donald Trump riding a bald eagle, sources confirmed. Witnesses say the...
by Tyler James | Jun 11, 2025 | News, Satire
LOS ANGELES, CA — Gleaming like a freshly waxed Tesla and strutting with the confidence of a man who just cured drought with cucumber water, California Governor Gavin Newsom made headlines Monday after addressing statewide unrest from the steamy comfort of a rooftop...
by Tyler James | Jun 11, 2025 | News, Satire
PORTLAND, OR — History was made this weekend at the Rocky Mountain Regional Hair-Off when 29-year-old Cassidy “Cactus” McBride strutted away with the coveted Best Chest in the West trophy—despite fierce competition from local lumberjacks, bass players, and at least...
