Satire

Nabisco And Newport Announce Limited Edition Dungeness Crab Stuffed Oreos

NEWPORT, Ore. — In what experts are already calling “the most Oregon thing to ever happen,” Nabisco has officially partnered with the coastal town of Newport to release a new flavor nobody asked for but everyone is now weirdly curious about: Limited Edition Dungeness Crab Stuffed Oreos. The...

Nation’s Worst Human Revealed As Guy Who Guns It Past Everyone Waiting Then Forces Way In At Merge Point

SOME RANDOM TOWN, OREGON — In a stunning development that has united commuters across political, cultural, and astrological lines, officials confirmed Tuesday that the nation’s worst human is, in fact, the guy who floors it down the closing lane and tries to merge at the very last possible inch....

Quiet Day On The Lake Ruined By Kid Who Doesn’t Know How To Fish

BEND, OR — What began as a peaceful, carefully planned morning of solitude on a quiet Central Oregon lake quickly unraveled Saturday after local father Mark Ellison, 42, made the critical error of bringing along his 7-year-old son, who sources confirm “doesn’t know how to fish at all.” Ellison,...

Portland Police Warn Enforcing Laws Could Result In Suspects Staying In Jail For Entire Afternoon

PORTLAND, OR — In what officials are calling a “deeply concerning and potentially irreversible shift,” Portland police warned Friday that fully enforcing existing laws could lead to suspects remaining in jail for an entire afternoon, marking a dramatic departure from the city’s long-standing...

Tired Sea Lion Snaps After Being Climbed Over, Breathed On, And Generally Disrespected

NEWPORT, Ore. — What began as a typical afternoon along the docks in Old Town Newport quickly turned into an unexpectedly entertaining spectacle Tuesday, as two sea lions engaged in what onlookers are calling one of the most dramatic “dock disputes” of the season. The popular bayfront viewing...
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