Satire

Kristi Noem Poses on ICE Building in Superhero Suit Just To Remind Tina Who’s Boss

In what witnesses are calling “the most powerful photo op since the moon landing,” U.S. Secretary of Homeland Secretary Kristi Noem, ascended the roof of Portland’s ICE building Tuesday morning wearing a full superhero suit, striking a series of commanding poses allegedly aimed directly at Oregon...

Portland Police Host Knitting Circle Across the Street While Feds Make Arrests at ICE Building

PORTLAND, OR — In a shocking display of civic multitasking, Portland Police officers were spotted this week across from the ICE building… peacefully knitting scarves, baby blankets, potholders, and one extremely lumpy sweater while federal agents tackled protesters to the ground just a few feet...

ICE Deploys Cougars in Portland, Says Pepper Spray ‘Just Wasn’t Scary Enough’

PORTLAND, OR — After years of experimenting with tear gas, rubber bullets, and pepper spray, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has apparently decided to step things up a notch. On Thursday night, officers stunned protesters outside Portland’s ICE facility by deploying a pack of fully grown...

National Guard Troops Beg to Be Reassigned After Briefing Includes Photos of Portland’s Nude Cyclists

PORTLAND, OR — Freshly mobilized National Guard troops are already filing desperate reassignment requests after their first Portland briefing included photos from the city’s notorious World Naked Bike Ride. The “emergency ride,” hastily announced on social media by @WorldNakedBikeRidePortland in...

Move Over Netflix: Portland ICE Protests Officially Crowned America’s Binge-Worthy Reality Series

PORTLAND, OR — Forget “Stranger Things” and “Love Is Blind.” The hottest new reality series gripping America isn’t on Netflix, Hulu, or HBO—it's the nightly Portland ICE protests, streaming live on every platform where chaos can be uploaded in 4K. With a perfect blend of unpredictable storylines,...
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