Adventures

Weirdo Boldly Reads Newspaper in Public Instead of Mindlessly Doomscrolling Like the Rest of Us

PORTLAND, OR — In a bizarre scene that left passersby unsettled, a local weirdo was spotted yesterday morning sitting alone on a park bench downtown, openly reading a physical newspaper instead of doomscrolling his phone like a normal, emotionally fragile person. Eyewitnesses reported that the man...

40-Year-Old Hiker Eager to Rediscover That One Weird Knee Pain Again This Weekend

BEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend on the trails, where he fully expects to rediscover that same vague, mysterious knee pain that’s been haunting him since a poorly timed leap off a rock in 2017....

Portland Man Emerges from Wet Cave After 93 Days, Hisses at Sunlight

OREGON COAST — In a scene described by witnesses as “like Gollum but with better accessories,” a Portland man known only as “Dreadmor, Lord of the Drizzle” emerged from a mossy coastal cave on Monday, flinching at the brightness of the midday sun and audibly hissing at a passing jogger. Witnesses...

Report: Oregon Inches Closer To California In Prestigious ‘Most Expensive State To Be Broke’ List

SALEM, OR — In a glowing new report released this week, Oregon has proudly climbed to the #2 position in the nation’s highly competitive Most Expensive State To Be Broke rankings, closing the gap with longtime champion California. “Oregon is showing real promise,” said lead economist Dana...

Finally, a Summer Theme Park Where No Kids Poop in the Lazy River and a 100% Chance of Blacking Out By Noon

ORLANDO, FL — A groundbreaking new theme park is making headlines for its two revolutionary promises: no children in the lazy river — and every adult will be aggressively blacked out by lunchtime. Lazy River Lagoon, opening this summer, has been described as “Spring Break meets early retirement” —...
This Oregon Creamery Just Won the World’s Best Cheddar

This Oregon Creamery Just Won the World’s Best Cheddar

Oregon’s reputation as a culinary hotspot just reached a new level. Known for its farm-to-table dining, award-winning wines, and exceptional craft breweries, the state has added another accolade to its impressive résumé: the home of the world’s best cheddar cheese. At...

Murder Charges Filed Against Husband of Missing Oregon Hiker

Murder Charges Filed Against Husband of Missing Oregon Hiker

The disappearance of Susan "Phoenix" Lane-Fournier, a 61-year-old woman from Welches, Oregon, has taken a tragic and shocking turn. Nearly a month after filing for divorce, her husband, 71-year-old Michel Fournier, has been arrested and charged with her murder. On...

Southern Oregon Coast at Risk of Sneaker Waves This Weekend

Southern Oregon Coast at Risk of Sneaker Waves This Weekend

Beachgoers are urged to exercise caution along the southern Oregon coast this weekend, as the National Weather Service has issued a warning for sneaker waves expected from late Saturday through Sunday afternoon. This advisory covers the coastlines of Douglas, Coos,...

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