SALEM, OR — In a bold new effort to make convicted murderers feel a little more at ease during their lengthy prison sentences, Oregon officials have announced the rollout of in-prison safe spaces — fully furnished with leather couches, decorative wall paneling, a...
Eugene, OR — In a move that surprised absolutely no one, local man Trevor McMichaels has confirmed that his deeply embedded lack of athletic skill seamlessly translates from traditional golf to disc golf. “I just figured I’d try disc golf because it’s more laid back,”...
FORT ROCK, OR — Archaeologists working near the site of Oregon’s famed ancient sandals have stumbled upon a curious metallic object of unknown function, believed to date back to the late 1970s—a time period researchers refer to as “post-Woodstock but pre-Reagan,...
BEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend on the trails, where he fully expects to rediscover that same vague, mysterious knee pain that’s been haunting him since a poorly...
PORTLAND, OR — In what mall officials are calling “an unfortunate holiday incident,” the Easter Bunny abruptly ended his seasonal duties at the Lloyd Center this weekend after reportedly being ambushed by a 3-year-old wielding toddler-sized brass knuckles and a sippy...
