PORTLAND, OR — While many couples might opt for a candlelit dinner or a rom-com, local partners Jesse and Rowan have found a more thrilling way to spend quality time together: watching chaos unfold in real-time from the comfort of their couch.
“We wanted something a little more us,” said Jesse, arranging a rustic cheese board beside a Bluetooth speaker softly playing ambient sirens. “Nothing says romance like a soft brie and the soft thud of a tear gas canister.”
The couple reportedly spent hours carefully curating their evening's viewing schedule, bouncing between livestreams from Portland, Los Angeles, and Seattle. They even preloaded their favorite Twitch riot channels and had snacks color-coded by protest theme: red pepper hummus for “high-intensity flare zones,” black olives for “anarchist aesthetic,” and white cheddar to honor what they called “the tear gas experience.”
“Rowan made a spreadsheet,” Jesse added proudly. “We don’t want to miss any flashbangs during the cheese course.”
Sources say the pair paused briefly during a particularly romantic moment when a protester attempted to throw a traffic cone back at police, only for it to land squarely on his own head. They laughed, toasted their rosé, and agreed it was “peak intimacy.”
By 11 p.m., the couple had moved to the couch floor, wrapped in a throw blanket, watching a fifth livestream that promised drone footage of dumpster fires set to lo-fi beats.
“It’s just nice to share this together,” Rowan said. “Some people bond over sunsets. We bond over civil disobedience and smoked gouda.”
The evening ended with a long embrace, a brief Instagram post captioned “Love in the time of livestreams ❤️✊”, and a shared sense of digital solidarity — curated, filtered, and perfectly paired with Pinot.
