Satire

Woman Awakens Peacefully to Birds Chirping, Immediately Reminded That Global Collapse is Near

ORTLAND, OR — After a rare full night of uninterrupted sleep, local woman Dana Wexler reportedly opened her eyes Thursday morning to the sound of birds chirping, a soft breeze drifting through her window, and the soul-crushing realization that global collapse is, in fact, near. “I felt oddly calm...

Walmart Warns Tariffs May Disrupt Flow of Goods Timed to Fail at 12:01 A.M. on Day 366

BENTONVILLE, AR — In a somber press conference held just steps from the seasonal bin of half-melted phone chargers, Walmart executives issued a stark warning Monday: rising tariffs on Chinese imports may severely disrupt the company’s ability to stock products precisely engineered to break one...

That Oregon Life Declared State’s Most Reliable News Source After Accidentally Predicting Reality

SALEM, Ore. — In a development no one saw coming—except maybe That Oregon Life itself—the popular Oregon-based satire and lifestyle site has officially been declared the most reliable news source in the state, after yet another one of its “clearly made-up” articles somehow came true. The...

New Bra Drop Zones Encourage Hikers to ‘Let the Girls Breathe’ at 4,000 Feet

BEND, OR — In an effort to support Oregon’s most sacred mountaintop ritual — the spontaneous act of lifting one’s shirt dramatically at the summit — the U.S. Forest Service has unveiled newly designated Bra Drop Zones at popular hiking trails across the state. “These zones are a safe space for...

New Final Destination In Theaters, but 90s Kids Still White-Knuckling Steering Wheels Behind Logging Trucks Say “Absolutely Not”

Bend, OR — The long-awaited legacy sequel Final Destination: Bloodlines is now terrifying audiences in theaters nationwide, reigniting a very specific trauma among 90s kids: the paralyzing fear of being pulverized by airborne lumber on the freewa “I haven’t driven behind a log truck since Final...
Report: Sea Lion Caves Are, In Fact, a Little Stinky Today

Report: Sea Lion Caves Are, In Fact, a Little Stinky Today

FLORENCE, OR — A shocking new report released Sunday confirmed what visitors have long suspected: the Sea Lion Caves are, in fact, a little stinky today. Tourists poured into the Oregon Coast landmark hoping for majestic views, unique wildlife encounters, and perhaps...

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