SALEM, OR — Concerned that the ancient, rugged art of axe throwing may be promoting toxic masculinity, Oregon Democrats have introduced a bold new bill that would ban the practice statewide and replace it with something more emotionally enriching: the Safe Space...
U.S. — In a bold new step to ensure Americans never enjoy anything ever again, candy manufacturer Mars announced that all colorful M&Ms will now be coated in a thick layer of organic kale slime following HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s sweeping ban on...
EUGENE, OR — A shocking new study released Monday has confirmed what many suspected all along: meth users are now the world’s foremost experts in unattended tool acquisition, also known in some legal circles as “theft.” The study, conducted by researchers who asked to...
SALEM, OR — In a shocking and emotional press conference that rocked the state’s political establishment to its core, Oregon Governor Tina Kotek announced Tuesday that she is gay — again — just moments after announcing the same thing. “I just want to live my truth,”...
CORVALLIS, OR — In a bold step toward what city leaders are calling “radical inclusion,” Corvallis has officially declared itself a sanctuary city for gender-diverse individuals — and with it, implemented a new entry requirement: visitors must now present at least...
ESTACADA, OR — In a stunning transformation just in time for warmer weather, local dad Mike Reynolds reportedly achieved peak seasonal confidence Thursday afternoon after purchasing a pair of $24.99 camo cargo shorts from the Target clearance rack. Witnesses say...
“Academic equity achieved, one letter at a time,” says Governor Kotek SALEM, OR — In a bold move to address persistent educational challenges, Oregon's education officials have announced a new graduation requirement: high school seniors must now recite the alphabet to...
FLORENCE, OR — A shocking new report released Sunday confirmed what visitors have long suspected: the Sea Lion Caves are, in fact, a little stinky today. Tourists poured into the Oregon Coast landmark hoping for majestic views, unique wildlife encounters, and perhaps...
VATICAN CITY — As Easter Sunday and 4/20 prepare to overlap in a once-in-a-generation holy smokes collision, Pope Francis issued a pastoral message Friday urging members of Stoners for Christ to “celebrate the resurrection with joy, gratitude, and at least a basic...
SALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking new report released Thursday, Oregon has officially been named the number one state in America for living in a faded, slightly moldy, sky-blue van down by the river — narrowly beating out Washington thanks to its looser parking rules...
TURNER, OR — Longtime fans of Oregon’s beloved Enchanted Forest theme park are reporting that while the park was “kinda spooky and magical” as children, experiencing it as an adult on mushrooms is an entirely different — and far more intense — journey. “It used to be...
SALEM, OR — As Oregon State Parks prepare to roll out another round of fee hikes for the 2025 camping season, thousands of middle-class Oregon families are reportedly coming to terms with the heartbreaking reality that they can no longer afford to sleep outside like...