News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Bend Transplant Really Getting Sick of Californians Acting Like They Belong Here Too

BEND, OR — Brad Collins, a proud Bend transplant who moved from San Diego just 13 months ago, is reportedly really getting sick of all the Californians flooding into town like they own the place. “Everywhere I look it’s Teslas, goldendoodles, and someone in a Patagonia vest talking loudly about...

10 Out of 10 Oregon Hikers Admit Trail Was ‘Just Okay’ Until the Edibles Kicked In

“At first it was just trees. Then it was THE trees.” OREGON CASCADES — A groundbreaking new study from the Pacific Northwest Institute of Vibes has revealed what most Oregon hikers already know in their hearts: hiking is pretty mid until the edibles hit. According to the report, hikers surveyed...

BREAKING: Portland Resident Offended by This Headline and Also the Word ‘Resident’

PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in a local community Slack channel today after a Portland man reportedly became deeply offended by the headline of an article that hadn’t even been written yet. Sources confirm that 32-year-old River Moss-Fernwood (they/them), who identifies as post-geographic and...

UnitedHealthcare Announces Bold New Plan To Cover Nothing

MINNETONKA, MN — In a daring move sure to disrupt the healthcare industry, UnitedHealthcare unveiled its most ambitious policy overhaul yet: a bold new plan to cover absolutely nothing. “We’ve listened to our customers,” said CEO Clive E. Denial, during a press conference held in a padded room...

Heavenly Gates Swing Open After Val Kilmer Whispers “I’m Your Huckleberry” to the Intercom

In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated intercom system bolted to the...
Portland Mayor Declares State of Emergency Amid Global IT Outage

Portland Mayor Declares State of Emergency Amid Global IT Outage

Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler declared a state of emergency on Friday morning due to a global IT outage that has significantly impacted airlines, hospitals, and other services. The chaos originated from a flawed software update by CrowdStrike, a cybersecurity company...

Legendary Comedian Bob Newhart Dies at 94

Legendary Comedian Bob Newhart Dies at 94

Bob Newhart, the legendary stand-up comedian known for his distinctive, deadpan delivery, passed away Thursday morning at the age of 94. A Chicago native, Newhart rose to fame with his 1960 breakthrough album, "The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart," which won Grammy...

Kah-Nee-Ta Resort Sets Reopening Date After Long-Awaited Renovation

Kah-Nee-Ta Resort Sets Reopening Date After Long-Awaited Renovation

After years of renovations, delays, and anticipation, Kah-Nee-Ta Hot Springs Resort has finally announced its reopening date. The Warm Springs resort revealed on Monday that it will welcome guests again starting Thursday, July 18. Visitors can look forward to enjoying...

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