News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Man Downtown Portland Waving Machete Could Use a Hug

A man in downtown Portland, spotted waving a machete in the air and passionately arguing with a lamppost, appears to be in dire need of a hug, according to multiple witnesses who observed the situation with a mix of concern and understanding. "He wasn't really threatening anyone," said local...

Scientists Confirm Oregon Is the Worst Place on Earth in February

A groundbreaking study from the University of Oregon has confirmed what longtime residents have long suspected: Oregon is officially the worst place on Earth to exist during the month of February. “It’s essentially like living inside a wet sock,” said Dr. Philip Malweather, a local meteorologist...

SAD-Stricken Oregonians Seen Photosynthesizing in Public at First Glimpse of Sun

PORTLAND, OR – As Oregon remains firmly locked in its annual five-month-long “Gray Gloom Death Spiral,” residents are reporting extreme cases of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), with some even exhibiting plant-like behaviors in desperate attempts to absorb any available light. Eyewitnesses claim...

Corey Feldman’s Music in “Goonies 2” to Be Used as a Torture Device for the Bad Guys

In a bold and completely baffling creative decision, the producers of Goonies 2 have announced that the film’s soundtrack will be composed entirely of Corey Feldman’s music. But rather than being used to enhance the adventure and nostalgia of the long-awaited sequel, Feldman’s songs will serve a...

Experts Pretty Sure It’s the End Times, But Scientists Insist It’s Actually Just a Tuesday

WORLDWIDE — As mysterious new viruses, natural disasters, and general chaos unfold across the globe, leading experts have announced that they are “fairly certain” this is the beginning of the End Times. Meanwhile, scientists remain adamant that it’s just another Tuesday. “We’re seeing all the...
No Tsunami Expected After 6.0 Earthquake Hits Off Oregon Coast

No Tsunami Expected After 6.0 Earthquake Hits Off Oregon Coast

BANDON, Ore. — Oregon’s southern coast experienced a sizable 6.0-magnitude earthquake on Wednesday afternoon. The quake struck at approximately 1:15 p.m., with its epicenter located about 170 miles west of Bandon and 250 miles west-southwest of Salem, according to...

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