While millions of shoppers throughout the United States were fighting cold weather and crowds for the best deals, hundreds of people in Portland, Ore. overwhelmed a vegan strip club in the early morning hours of Black Friday. Casa Diablo, billed as the world’s first...
Humor
Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light
by Tyler James | April 2, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire | 0 Comments
SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning commute through downtown...
Report: Sketchy Guy Screaming at a Tree While Biking is Probably Just Trying to Beat Nana to Church
by Tyler James | April 1, 2025 | Humor, Satire | 0 Comments
EUGENE, OR — Local residents were comforted Sunday morning after officials confirmed that the sketchy man pedaling a squeaky mountain bike in a sagging jacket and backwards cap—while hollering at a tree about "leaf surveillance"—was “almost definitely just trying to beat Grandma to church.”...
Experts Agree: ‘The NeverEnding Story’ Is The Ultimate Emotional Reset Button
by Tyler James | April 1, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire | 0 Comments
U.S. — After decades of research, burnout, and failed coping strategies involving expensive apps and oat milk lattes, mental health experts have finally reached a consensus: rewatching The NeverEnding Story is the ultimate emotional reset button. “It’s cinematic therapy,” said Dr. Elise Monroe, a...
Here Are Pickup Lines That Might Actually Work on a Portland Girl (Assuming She Forgets You’re a Man)
by Tyler James | March 31, 2025 | Humor, Satire | 0 Comments
Dating in Portland is hard. Between dodging open mic night invitations, navigating three-way Tinder bios, and trying to remember if you're allowed to say "you look nice" without first signing a consent form and issuing a land acknowledgment, it can be tricky out there for a man — especially one...
Portland to Roll Out Human Litter Boxes This Summer, Tackling Public Defecation Crisis
by Danielle Denham | March 30, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire | 0 Comments
In what city officials are calling a “revolution in urban sanitation,” Portland will begin installing CrapTrap 3000™ units across the metro area—human-sized, self-cleaning litter boxes designed to address the growing issue of public defecation, and “shaping the future, one log at a time.” The...