Humor

Search Continues for Portland Man Last Seen Attempting to Merge Onto I-205

PORTLAND, OR — The search for 34-year-old Kevin Michaels, who was last seen attempting to merge onto I-205 during rush hour, continues as family and friends hold out hope for his safe return. Kevin left his Southeast Portland home last Tuesday morning, reportedly en route to his office in...

Portland Now Offers Authentic ‘TentBnB’ Experiences in the Heart of Downtown

Portland’s tourism board has announced an exciting new way for visitors to experience the city’s vibrant urban landscape: “TentBnB” – the ultimate authentic downtown lodging experience! For just $89 a night (or $10 if you book directly with Rick behind the 7-Eleven), tourists can immerse...

Epstein List Drops Today After However Many Years, And It’s Totally Not Altered At All

BREAKING: The long-awaited Epstein list is finally set to be released today, and officials insist—without a single wink or nervous glance—that it is completely unaltered, totally uncompromised, and in no way missing any names that might cause billionaires to break out in cold sweats. “This is the...

Hundreds Hospitalized After Sunlight Reflects Off Pasty White Oregonians Emerging from Winter

Hundreds of Oregonians were rushed to the hospital over the past couple of days after an unseasonably bright sun made the mistake of shining down upon the pasty, vitamin-D-deprived masses emerging from their winter hibernation. The incident, now being referred to as The Great Reflectopalypse, has...

Man Mauled by Bear at Crater Lake, TikTok Live Ends Right When It Gets Good

It started as any other adventure vlog—Kyle, self-proclaimed "wilderness influencer" and part-time crypto enthusiast, set out on a solo trek through Crater Lake National Park in search of "epic, untouched content." Armed with nothing but his phone, a knockoff GoPro, and an absolute refusal to read...

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