Satire

Jerry Garcia Back From the Dead, Oregon Country Fairgoers Blame the Edibles After Surprise Ghost Set

VENETA, Ore. — In a move that can only be described as “Grateful, Undead and Totally Unexpected,” the spirit of Jerry Garcia reportedly materialized onstage Friday evening at the Oregon Country Fair, triggering mass confusion that was blamed entirely on rampant edible consumption. Festivalgoers...

Tina Kotek Announces $500 Fine for “Unauthorized Splashing” on Oregon Rivers

SALEM, OR — In a bold new effort to “restore order and tranquility” to Oregon’s waterways, Governor Tina Kotek unveiled legislation this week that would impose a $500 fine for any “unauthorized splashing” on rivers across the state. “Too many Oregonians think they can just hop on an inner tube and...

Experts Confirm Only Chance of National Unity Is If Asteroid Obliterates Planet

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a sobering report released Thursday, leading political scientists confirmed that the only remaining path toward national unity would require a planet-destroying asteroid to obliterate all life on Earth. “After analyzing decades of data, partisan divides, and over 47 million...

Senator Jeff Merkley Pledges 13th Term in 2064 at Age 108, Promises to Outlive Every Republican

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vowing to “finish what he started back when Herbert Hoover was in short pants,” Oregon Senator Jeff Merkley announced Thursday that he will seek a 13th term in 2064 at the age of 108, confidently declaring his intention to outlive every remaining member of the Republican Party....

REPORT: Everything’s Fine, Experts Assure Public This Is All Totally Normal

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As grocery prices soar, infrastructure crumbles, artificial intelligence begins writing its own manifestos, and World War 3 quietly warms up in the background, officials are reassuring Americans there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. “Relax, babe—we’ve totally got this,”...
X