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Portland Celebrates 10 Years Of Solving Mental Health By Ignoring It
PORTLAND, Ore. — Standing alongside state and federal law enforcement partners at a packed press conference Tuesday morning, Multnomah County officials proudly announced the successful completion of Portland's ten-year strategy for addressing mental illness by doing…
ODFW Confirms Sighting Of Extremely Rare Portland Seagull
PORTLAND, Ore. — Wildlife officials say they've confirmed the first documented sighting of an Extremely Rare Portland Seagull, a subspecies long believed to exist only in stories told by brewery owners, baristas, and people who somehow…
Portland Police Warn Enforcing Laws Could Result In Suspects Staying In Jail For Entire Afternoon
PORTLAND, OR — In what officials are calling a “deeply concerning and potentially irreversible shift,” Portland police warned Friday that fully enforcing existing laws could lead to suspects remaining in jail for an entire afternoon, marking…
Tired Sea Lion Snaps After Being Climbed Over, Breathed On, And Generally Disrespected
NEWPORT, Ore. — What began as a typical afternoon along the docks in Old Town Newport quickly turned into an unexpectedly entertaining spectacle Tuesday, as two sea lions engaged in what onlookers are calling one of…
Oregon Leaders Urge Homeowners To Set Firearms Aside And Kindly Talk Things Out With Intruders
SALEM, OR — In what officials are calling a “more compassionate approach to unexpected late-night visitors,” Oregon leaders this week urged residents to set firearms aside and instead engage in calm, respectful dialogue with anyone breaking…
Trump Gives Portland 48 Hours to “Figure It Out” Before “We Push the Big Button”
PORTLAND, OR — Calling the situation “very concerning, very chaotic, frankly a mess,” President Donald Trump issued a firm 48-hour ultimatum Tuesday demanding that the city of Portland “figure it out” or face what he described…
Springfield Rolls Out Pilot Program Where Roof Guns Politely Ask “Hey Man, What Are You Doing?” Before Escalating
SPRINGFIELD, OR — In what city officials are calling a “measured, community-first approach to modern problems,” Springfield this week unveiled a pilot program featuring AI-powered rooftop security turrets that politely question suspicious individuals before taking any……
New Oregon ‘Summit Assist’ Service Lets Hikers Skip Straight to the Scenic Part
LINCOLN CITY, Ore. — In a move that’s already being called “the biggest breakthrough in outdoor recreation since paved parking lots,” a new service along the Oregon Coast is now offering visitors a chance to experience…
Oregon Tax Authorities Say Even ‘Secret’ Easter Eggs Must Be Declared As Distributed Assets
PORTLAND, Ore. — In what officials are calling a “long-overdue clarification of seasonal compliance standards,” Oregon tax authorities confirmed this week that even Easter eggs hidden on private property must now be reported as distributed assets…
Kotek Approval Ratings Skyrocket After Powerful 20-Minute Litter Pickup Caught on Camera
SALEM, Ore. — In what political analysts are already calling “a turning point for the entire state,” Oregon Governor Tina Kotek’s approval ratings reportedly surged overnight following a deeply moving 20-minute litter pickup effort that was,…
New Portland Eatery Lets Guests Cook Their Own Meal Over Shared Barrel Fire For Added Authenticity
PORTLAND, Ore. — In what city officials are calling “a bold step forward for Portland’s ever-evolving culinary scene,” a new open-air dining concept has officially launched this week, offering guests the chance to cook their own…