Tina Kotek Announces $500 Fine for “Unauthorized Splashing” on Oregon Rivers

by | Jul 11, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire

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SALEM, OR — In a bold new effort to “restore order and tranquility” to Oregon’s waterways, Governor Tina Kotek unveiled legislation this week that would impose a $500 fine for any “unauthorized splashing” on rivers across the state.

“Too many Oregonians think they can just hop on an inner tube and recklessly thrash water around like it’s the Wild West,” Kotek said during a press conference. “This isn’t a playground. Our rivers are delicate ecosystems that deserve respect—and minimal turbulence.”

Under the proposed law, all splashing activities—including but not limited to cannonballs, water fights, and accidental paddle flings—would require a state-issued “Splash Permit”. The permit, priced at $49.99 annually, would authorize controlled splashing in designated areas only.

Violators caught splashing without a permit would face a $500 fine, mandatory river etiquette classes, and potential confiscation of their inflatable watercraft.

The legislation also includes funding for a fleet of “River Enforcement Specialists,” or RES units, who will patrol popular float spots to monitor for unsanctioned splashes. Officers will be equipped with waterproof citation printers and GoPro bodycams to document offenses.

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“We’re not trying to ruin anyone’s fun,” Kotek reassured. “We’re simply ensuring that water activities align with the state’s commitment to safety, harmony, and revenue collection.”

Reactions to the proposal have been mixed. Environmental groups praised the effort, while rivergoers expressed confusion.

“So… am I allowed to get wet at all?” asked Eugene resident Travis McMillan. “What happens if I trip and splash accidentally? Do I owe Tina 500 bucks?”

When asked about such concerns, a spokesperson clarified: “All unintentional splashes must be reported within 72 hours to the Oregon Water Activity Compliance Bureau to avoid penalties.”

The bill is expected to pass easily in the legislature, where lawmakers are reportedly considering an additional amendment requiring helmets on all pool noodles.


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Written By Tyler James

Tyler James, founder of That Oregon Life, is a true Oregon native whose love for his state runs deep. Since the inception of the blog in 2013, his unbridled passion for outdoor adventures and the natural beauty of Oregon has been the cornerstone of his work. As a father to two beautiful children, Tyler is always in pursuit of new experiences to enrich his family’s life. He curates content that not only reflects his adventures but also encourages others to set out and create precious memories in the majestic landscapes of Oregon. Tyler's vision and guidance are integral to his role as publisher and editor, shaping the blog into a source of inspiration for exploring the wonders of Oregon.

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