EUGENE, OR — City officials are urging residents to stop feeding psychedelic mushrooms to local squirrels, after what one parks employee described as a “full-blown squirrel consciousness shift” unfolded near the duck pond at Alton Baker Park earlier this week.
“We’ve seen a dramatic uptick in strange squirrel behavior,” said Eugene Parks & Recreation spokesperson Dana Littman. “They’re forming circles, staring into puddles for hours, and one was just laying in the grass whispering to a pinecone.”
The city became aware of the issue after several complaints from joggers and dog-walkers who reported squirrels behaving “way too chill” or “weirdly profound.” One man claims a squirrel offered him a leaf and told him, “Everything you seek is already within.”
Officials say the root of the issue is Eugene residents foraging psilocybin mushrooms — recently decriminalized in Oregon — and feeding them to squirrels “to see what happens.”
“We’re asking people to cut it out,” said Littman. “The squirrels are straight-up trippin’. This isn’t ‘Planet Earth: After Dark.’”
Oregon State University researchers from the newly formed Rodent Consciousness Initiative have confirmed that the affected squirrels show signs of altered awareness, including long periods of stillness, erratic tail movements, and building what appear to be tiny Zen gardens out of moss and bottle caps.
“They don’t even want nuts anymore,” said Dr. Lena Holloway. “They just want wind chimes and silence.”
The city plans to put up new signs in local parks that read “DO NOT FEED THE SQUIRRELS (Especially Not Mushrooms)”, and is considering implementing fines for “intentional squirrel enlightenment.”
At press time, one squirrel had reportedly achieved enlightenment and was quietly meditating on top of a Subaru Outback.
