SWEET HOME, OREGON — What started as a relaxing weekend drive took a tragic turn Saturday afternoon when local man Derek Mitchell was emotionally ambushed mid-guitar solo during Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird.”
According to sources inside the vehicle, Derek had just cranked the volume to a respectful 47 out of 50 as the iconic solo began, when his wife, Nicole, chose that exact moment to revisit the ongoing saga of her friend Kelsey’s second divorce.
“It was like she waited for the exact millisecond the solo started,” said Derek, eyes bloodshot from emotional whiplash. “I’d been patient through four straight minutes of intro vocals. I earned that solo. I needed that solo.”
Nicole, meanwhile, expressed confusion at the backlash. “I didn’t think it was that big a deal,” she said while casually scrolling Pinterest. “I just said Kelsey might be filing for sole custody, and suddenly Derek’s acting like I kicked over a monument to Southern rock.”
Witnesses say Derek attempted to salvage the moment by turning the volume up further, but was tragically outmatched by Nicole’s unwavering commitment to sentence completion and her refusal to acknowledge “Free Bird” as a near-religious experience.
“He even did the ‘air solo,’” said their daughter, mortified in the back seat. “Mom just kept talking about how Kelsey’s new boyfriend might be living in a converted Sprinter van.”
Experts confirm this marks the 8th consecutive car ride in which Nicole has chosen a legendary classic rock solo to relaunch Kelsey-based discourse. Last month, Bohemian Rhapsody suffered a similar fate during the operatic bridge.
As of press time, Derek was spotted sitting silently in the parked car outside their house, headphones on, attempting to re-enter the solo uninterrupted via YouTube.
