Portland Storefronts Debut Floral Plywood Collection Just in Time for Riot Season

by | May 8, 2025 | News, Satire

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PORTLAND, OR — As summer 2025 looms and the city braces for another round of protests, drum circles, and Instagram activism, Portland businesses are staying ahead of the chaos with this year’s hottest trend: custom floral plywood.

Sprouting across downtown like a well-meaning rash, these hand-painted panels feature elegant blooms in soft pastels—designed not just to say “we care,” but also “please don’t throw a rock through this.”

“We really wanted to protect our windows and the vibe,” said Juniper Holloway, co-owner of Wildfang & Whimsy, a local boutique specializing in ethically sourced irony. “These boards let people know we support every cause, as long as it doesn’t involve broken glass and canceled deliveries.”

City officials have endorsed the aesthetic as part of their new “Creative Urban Resilience” initiative, which encourages businesses to remain boarded-up, but make it look intentional. “It’s public safety meets seasonal decor,” said Commissioner Fern Granger. “Honestly, it’s never been a better time to monetize civic unrest.”

Shoppers have responded positively. “It’s like walking through an outdoor art gallery that also quietly reminds you civilization is unraveling,” said one local sipping a lavender oat milk latte, absolutely not from Starbucks.

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The floral plywood collection is expected to stay up until fall—or until the next wave of protests gives way to the annual Portland tradition of flooding and mild looting.


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Written By Tyler James

Tyler James, founder of That Oregon Life, is a true Oregon native whose love for his state runs deep. Since the inception of the blog in 2013, his unbridled passion for outdoor adventures and the natural beauty of Oregon has been the cornerstone of his work. As a father to two beautiful children, Tyler is always in pursuit of new experiences to enrich his family’s life. He curates content that not only reflects his adventures but also encourages others to set out and create precious memories in the majestic landscapes of Oregon. Tyler's vision and guidance are integral to his role as publisher and editor, shaping the blog into a source of inspiration for exploring the wonders of Oregon.

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