PORTLAND, OR — In a landmark decision for aquatic rights, Oregon lawmakers have passed legislation requiring anglers to obtain verbal consent from fish before attempting to catch them. House Bill 4042, known officially as the “Hooked on Consent Act,” was signed into law this week, ushering in what state officials are calling “a new era of mutual respect between humans and hydrofauna.”
“This isn’t just about fishing. It’s about consent, dignity, and redefining our relationship with aquatic life,” said Rep. Willow Fernhart (D-Portlandia), adjusting her biodegradable eyeglasses. “If a fish doesn’t want to be caught, that should be the end of the discussion.”
The law mandates that all licensed fishermen must carry waterproof microphones and lower them into the water prior to casting their line. A pre-recorded message must be played asking, “Do you consent to being caught today?” The fish must respond in a clearly affirmative way—either by emitting “friendly bubbles,” spinning in a joyful circle, or, ideally, speaking an audible “yes.”
“Non-verbal cues may no longer be considered implied consent,” reads the official Oregon Department of Fish Empathy manual. “We must center the fish’s experience.”
Opposition from Oregon’s angling community has been swift and salty.
“I spent 30 minutes whispering sweet nothings to a steelhead,” said frustrated fisherman Dale Trapper of Bend. “It just stared blankly and swam away. I haven’t felt that rejected since prom.”
To enforce the new law, Oregon has formed a new agency—the Bureau of Aquatic Consent & Kindness (BACK)—tasked with monitoring riverbanks and handing out laminated “Emotional Support Minnows” to help guide proper interaction.
Penalties for non-consensual fishing now include:
- A $600 fine
- Community service reading bedtime stories to fish hatchlings
- Being required to watch Finding Nemo while handcuffed to a vegan
Environmental activists, meanwhile, are celebrating.
“For too long, fish have been seen as flavor instead of feeling,” said Harmony Driftwood, co-founder of Aquatic Lives Matter. “This bill finally treats fish as the sovereign emotional entities they are.”
In schools across the state, a new curriculum titled “Catch Feelings, Not Fish” will roll out this fall, teaching Oregon youth to empathize with trout, respect the emotional labor of carp, and avoid gaslighting guppies.
Still, critics argue the law may be impossible to enforce.
“How do you prove a fish said yes?” asked one anonymous lawyer, “And what if it only said yes because it felt pressured by the presence of bait?”
Despite the controversy, Oregon remains firm. As Governor Northwind Featherstone said while signing the bill beside a serene koi pond:
“This isn’t about fish. It’s about who we are as a people. And who we are… is deeply, painfully Portland.”
