In a development that has surprised absolutely no one, the Oregon Coast has been voted the best place for sunbathing in 2025. The announcement was made by the Totally Legit Travel Awards committee, who, after an extensive survey of places with cold wind, relentless rain, and the occasional 42 seconds of sun, declared the Oregon Coast the ultimate tanning destination.
“It’s really no contest,” said committee spokesperson Sunny McCloud. “If you enjoy the thrill of hypothermia, the feeling of sandblasting on your bare skin, and the delicate embrace of drizzle while trying to tan, there’s simply no better place on Earth.”
A Paradise for Extreme Sunbathers
Local sunbathing enthusiast Linda “Frostbite” Jones swears by the Oregon Coast’s sunbathing opportunities. “On a clear day, if you stand just right and squint, you can almost see a faint glow in the sky. Some call it the sun, but most of us call it ‘a myth.’”
For those who want to achieve that elusive Oregon Coast tan, the key is patience. “We recommend heading to the beach around 5 a.m. with a parka, a hot beverage, and a sturdy umbrella,” said tourism director Misty Chillman. “Then, if you’re lucky, you might catch our annual 15-minute sun window before the rain returns and washes away any trace of joy.”
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A Destination for Sun Lovers and Masochists Alike
Local beachgoer Mike “Permanent Goosebumps” Johnson swears the Oregon Coast’s sunbathing experience is unmatched. “People think Hawaii or California is where it’s at, but have you ever tried tanning in 45-degree weather with a 25 mph wind? It’s like sunbathing on a frozen tundra. Builds character.”
With tourist season approaching, officials are urging sun-seekers to remain cautious. “We’ve had a few reckless folks over the years,” said lifeguard Sandy Freeze. “One guy tried to take his shirt off in June. We haven’t seen him since. We assume he’s frozen somewhere near Newport.”
The Future of Oregon Coast Sunbathing
Plans are already underway for a new beach experience called “The Oregon Coast Tropical Dream.” It will feature lifelike cutouts of sunshine, inflatable palm trees, and pre-recorded sounds of waves that don’t sound like a hurricane. “It’ll be as close to paradise as you can get,” said Mayor Windchill. “Just make sure to bring a blanket and your rain boots.”
And while the rest of the world may laugh at this dubious honor, Oregonians know that there’s nothing quite like sunbathing on the Oregon Coast: an experience that combines cold weather, windburn, and optimism in a way that truly can’t be beat.
