Eugene, OR—Local resident Dave Mulligan is eagerly counting down the days until spring, despite the fact that his immune system has already raised the white flag. “I just love warmer weather,” Dave said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and sinus congestion from last year’s pollen massacre. “Nothing beats waking up every morning with your face superglued to your pillow because your nose decided to reenact Niagara Falls overnight.”
Dave, a lifelong allergy sufferer, describes spring in Oregon as “a magical blend of beauty and absolute suffering.” The Willamette Valley, famously lush and green, bursts into life every March, transforming the area into a picturesque paradise. For Dave, though, it’s less of a paradise and more of a biological war zone. “The flowers are stunning, the birds are chirping, and my body immediately responds like I’ve been pepper-sprayed by Mother Nature herself,” he said, pausing to blow his nose into what looked like his 15th tissue of the morning.
His preparation for the season is nothing short of legendary. Armed with enough allergy meds to supply a small pharmacy, an industrial-sized box of tissues, and eye drops potent enough to clean car windshields, Dave is ready—or so he says. “I’m going to enjoy the great outdoors this year,” he proclaimed, just before a sneeze so violent it knocked over his coffee cup. “Sure, my eyes will swell shut, and I’ll sound like a dying accordion, but it’s totally worth it for the ten seconds of fresh air before I collapse.”
When asked why he doesn’t simply move to a less allergen-heavy state, Dave chuckled darkly. “Where’s the adventure in that?” he replied. “If you’re not wheezing, sneezing, and questioning your life choices every spring, are you really living in Oregon?” His optimism—or perhaps his complete surrender to misery—is unmatched as he gears up for another season of uncontrollable sniffles, uncontested sneezes, and a face that’s essentially a leaky faucet on full blast.
