Satire

New Nirvana Fans Born After 2005 Shocked to Learn Band Isn’t a Hot Topic Clothing Line

UNITED STATES — In a stunning revelation that rocked suburban malls across America, thousands of teens born after 2005 were reportedly shocked to discover that Nirvana is not, in fact, a clothing brand exclusively sold at Hot Topic. “I just thought it was like Vans or Thrasher or something,” said...

Dear That Oregon Life: My Tesla Isn’t MAGA, I Swear—Can I Reattach the Logo Now?

I’m writing to you with trembling fingers and a heart full of reclaimed anxiety. I need help. Not the kind of help you get from a therapist (I already have two of those), but the kind you get from a trusted Oregon-based lifestyle blog with a passive-aggressive Facebook comment section. Here’s the...

Exclusive: Billionaire Power Couple Trump and Musk File For Divorce

PALM BEACH, FL — After years of public praise, private DMs, and the occasional awkward photo op, former President Donald J. Trump and tech billionaire Elon Musk have officially filed for divorce, ending what many believed to be the most chaotic power couple in modern American history. Court...

Best! AC Unit Gives Up Early So Local Man Can Fully Embrace Heatstroke Season

SALEM, OR — With Oregon bracing for what forecasters are calling a “long, dry, sweat-stained summer,” local man Greg Landers is getting a head start on the statewide suffering after his car’s AC gave up the ghost before June even had the decency to hit 90. “My AC worked yesterday,” said Landers,...

Portland Man Comes Out as Heterosexual, Community Rallies to Support His Brave Journey

PORTLAND, OR — In what friends are calling a “quiet but revolutionary act of vulnerability,” Portland resident Brandon Kepler, 29, recently came out as heterosexual — a decision he says has been “years in the making.” Kepler made the announcement in the safety of his shared NE Portland apartment...
Man Stares Blankly as Wife Introduces 86th Plant This Year

Man Stares Blankly as Wife Introduces 86th Plant This Year

SWEET HOME, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that local husband Dave Ellsworth stood motionless and dead-eyed as his wife, Amanda, held up yet another leafy green stranger and announced, “Everyone say hi to Juniper!” It was the 86th time this year. Dave, who hasn’t...

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