VATICAN CITY — As Easter Sunday and 4/20 prepare to overlap in a once-in-a-generation holy smokes collision, Pope Francis issued a pastoral message Friday urging members of Stoners for Christ to “celebrate the resurrection with joy, gratitude, and at least a basic...
News
Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.
Oregon Voted #1 Place To Live In A Van Down By The River
SALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking new report released Thursday, Oregon has officially been named the number one state in America for living in a faded, slightly moldy, sky-blue van down by the river — narrowly beating out Washington thanks to its looser parking rules...
Visitors Confirm: Enchanted Forest Hits Way Harder on Shrooms Than as a Kid
TURNER, OR — Longtime fans of Oregon’s beloved Enchanted Forest theme park are reporting that while the park was “kinda spooky and magical” as children, experiencing it as an adult on mushrooms is an entirely different — and far more intense — journey. “It used to be...
Oregonians Gently Reminded It’s Been Too Damn Long Since They Watched Stand By Me
PORTLAND, OR — In a quiet yet deeply emotional statewide advisory issued Monday morning, Oregonians were lovingly reminded that it has, in fact, been way too damn long since they last watched Stand By Me—the 1986 cinematic treasure filmed right here in the Beaver...
He Brought Her Head to the Store: Oregon’s Unimaginable Mother’s Day Murder
On Mother’s Day 2017, the small Oregon town of Estacada was shattered by a crime so gruesome it seemed ripped from a horror film. Inside the Harvest Market Thriftway, shoppers and employees were left frozen in disbelief as a blood-soaked man walked through the front...
Bend’s High Desert Museum Set to Open Giant Pine Tree Playground This Weekend
If you’ve ever wanted to feel like a tiny critter crawling through the forest floor—or just have kids who love to climb, explore, and imagine—then you’ll want to make plans to visit the High Desert Museum in Bend this spring. Starting Saturday, April 19, the museum is...
Local Hikers Cheer as Hero Delivers Flying Kick to Yet Another One of Those Annoying Rock Stacks
CASCADE RANGE, OR — A sense of awe swept through the hiking community this weekend as yet another rock stack met its dramatic end—this time at the foot (literally) of a mysterious figure some are beginning to call The Cairn Slayer. Witnesses say the man appeared out...
Research Finds Finest Coffee Poured by Baristas With Nose Ring, 12 Pronouns, and Zero Eye Contact
BEND, ORE— A newly published study from the Oregon Culinary Arts & Beverage Institute has revealed that the highest-rated coffee in the state is consistently brewed by baristas who share three key characteristics: a prominent nose ring, at least 12 self-identified...
Oregon Adds Safe Spaces to Prisons in Case Murderers Feel Uncomfortable
SALEM, OR — In a bold new effort to make convicted murderers feel a little more at ease during their lengthy prison sentences, Oregon officials have announced the rollout of in-prison safe spaces — fully furnished with leather couches, decorative wall paneling, a...
Pathetic: Guy Who Sucks at Regular Golf Now Sucks at Disc Golf, Too
Eugene, OR — In a move that surprised absolutely no one, local man Trevor McMichaels has confirmed that his deeply embedded lack of athletic skill seamlessly translates from traditional golf to disc golf. “I just figured I’d try disc golf because it’s more laid back,”...
Archaeologists Unearth Mysterious Metal Artifact in Oregon, May Date Back to Late 1970s
FORT ROCK, OR — Archaeologists working near the site of Oregon’s famed ancient sandals have stumbled upon a curious metallic object of unknown function, believed to date back to the late 1970s—a time period researchers refer to as “post-Woodstock but pre-Reagan,...
40-Year-Old Hiker Eager to Rediscover That One Weird Knee Pain Again This Weekend
BEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend on the trails, where he fully expects to rediscover that same vague, mysterious knee pain that’s been haunting him since a poorly...