News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

People You Regret Voting For Hold Emergency Session to Dream Up Taxes That Don’t Exist Yet but Probably Should

In a move that perfectly embodies everything you feared after the election but told yourself to “wait and see,” the people you now deeply regret voting for held an emergency meeting today—not to fix potholes, homelessness, or anything remotely useful—but to invent entirely new taxes. The...

Bigfoot Joins Tinder, Women Ditch Their Men After Reading: ‘I Chop Wood and Disappear Like Your Dad’

HOOD RIVER, OR — In what experts are calling the most emotionally devastating swipe in Oregon history, Bigfoot has officially joined Tinder with a bio so powerful it has women across the Pacific Northwest dumping their boyfriends mid-swipe. The bio in question?“I chop wood and disappear like your...

New Club “Granny Grinders” Opens in Oregon With 65+ Dancers, Bingo, and Zero Teeth Required

Springfield, OR — Residents were once again left clutching their pearls this week after hearing rumors about yet another offbeat strip club opening in their neighborhood — but this time, it’s not pregnant women causing a stir. It’s grandmothers. The new establishment, opening just outside of...

Goodwill Boutique Staff Confused Why Poor People Keep Trying to Shop There

NEWPORT, OR — Staff at the Goodwill Boutique on Cape & Donation Center are reportedly “deeply puzzled” by the steady stream of financially struggling people who keep showing up under the false assumption that this is a place for affordable clothing — rather than a coastal showroom for $58...

Authorities Raid West Coast Game Park Safari in Bandon Over Suspected Animal Abuse

BANDON, Ore. — The long-troubled West Coast Game Park Safari was raided Thursday morning by Oregon State Police in what animal advocates are calling a long-overdue reckoning. According to OSP, multiple search warrants were executed at the Bandon-based roadside zoo as part of a criminal...
First American Pope Wears Cowboy Hat

First American Pope Wears Cowboy Hat

VATICAN CITY — In a historic and deeply confusing moment for the Catholic Church, newly appointed Pope Robert I — the first American pope in history — made his debut Wednesday morning atop the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica wearing a beige cowboy hat and a soft...

X