News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Inconvenient Child Declares, “Mom, I Have to Go. Like, Really Bad”—Right After the Final Rest Stop for 50 Miles

RURAL HIGHWAY, USA — In what experts are calling a “statistically impossible yet somehow inevitable event,” a local child has once again declared an urgent need to use the restroom precisely five minutes after the final available rest stop for 50 miles. Eyewitnesses (namely, one extremely...

After Years of Being in the Ocean, Haystack Rock is Moving to Central Oregon—And People Have Questions

In a move no one saw coming—yet somehow makes complete sense in the most Oregon way possible—state officials have confirmed that Haystack Rock is being relocated to Central Oregon, where it will be placed right next to Smith Rock. Cannon Beach residents, long accustomed to seeing the iconic...

Another Oregon Town Ranked ‘Most Adorable’ by a Magazine You’ve Probably Never Heard Of

Yet another Oregon town has been thrust into the national spotlight, thanks to Quaint Living Weekly, a prestigious, possibly AI-generated publication that, despite its apparent influence, no one has actually seen in print. According to the magazine, [Insert Oregon Town] has been officially...

State Officials Confirm: ‘Salem Has a Capitol Building, And That’s Pretty Much It’

SALEM, OR — After years of speculation, confusion, and outright apathy, state officials have finally confirmed what many Oregonians have long suspected: Salem has a Capitol building, and that’s pretty much it. The announcement came during a press conference held in the grand marble halls of the...

Study Finds Oregon Drivers Believe Left Lane is the Perfect Place to Reflect on Life at 62 MPH

SALEM, OR — A new study has confirmed what every frustrated driver on I-5 already suspected: for many Oregonians, the left lane isn’t a place for efficient travel—it’s a sacred space for deep personal reflection at exactly three miles under the speed limit. According to research from the Oregon...
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