News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Scientists Confirm Oregon Is the Worst Place on Earth in February

A groundbreaking study from the University of Oregon has confirmed what longtime residents have long suspected: Oregon is officially the worst place on Earth to exist during the month of February. “It’s essentially like living inside a wet sock,” said Dr. Philip Malweather, a local meteorologist...

SAD-Stricken Oregonians Seen Photosynthesizing in Public at First Glimpse of Sun

PORTLAND, OR – As Oregon remains firmly locked in its annual five-month-long “Gray Gloom Death Spiral,” residents are reporting extreme cases of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), with some even exhibiting plant-like behaviors in desperate attempts to absorb any available light. Eyewitnesses claim...

Corey Feldman’s Music in “Goonies 2” to Be Used as a Torture Device for the Bad Guys

In a bold and completely baffling creative decision, the producers of Goonies 2 have announced that the film’s soundtrack will be composed entirely of Corey Feldman’s music. But rather than being used to enhance the adventure and nostalgia of the long-awaited sequel, Feldman’s songs will serve a...

Experts Pretty Sure It’s the End Times, But Scientists Insist It’s Actually Just a Tuesday

WORLDWIDE — As mysterious new viruses, natural disasters, and general chaos unfold across the globe, leading experts have announced that they are “fairly certain” this is the beginning of the End Times. Meanwhile, scientists remain adamant that it’s just another Tuesday. “We’re seeing all the...

Jerry Garcia’s Ghost Found Running a Portland Dispensary—Still on a Really Long, Strange Trip

PORTLAND, OR — In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the local jam band community, customers at a small dispensary in Southeast Portland were stunned to discover that the laid-back, tie-dye-clad man behind the counter isn’t just a Jerry Garcia lookalike—he might actually be Jerry...
Runaway Cow Keeps Oregon State Police Busy on I-84

Runaway Cow Keeps Oregon State Police Busy on I-84

Talk about starting the New Year with a bang—or should we say a moo? On January 1, the Oregon State Police were called to handle an utterly udderly bizarre situation: a rogue cow hoofing it down Interstate 84 near Hood River. This wasn’t your average backyard escapee....

Trestle Collapse in Corvallis Derails Train Into Marys River

Trestle Collapse in Corvallis Derails Train Into Marys River

A train trestle over the Marys River in Corvallis collapsed on Saturday afternoon, sending one train car carrying agricultural materials into the river and leaving two other cars unstable. The incident, which occurred at approximately 12:08 p.m., involved a 19-car...

Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport to Undergo Renovations in 2025

Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport to Undergo Renovations in 2025

Nestled on a picturesque bluff overlooking the Pacific Ocean, the Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport, Oregon, has long been a cherished retreat for book lovers and travelers alike. Renowned for its literary charm, the hotel is now embarking on a new chapter. On Sunday,...

Homeowner Fatally Shoots Intruder Breaking In Day After Christmas

Homeowner Fatally Shoots Intruder Breaking In Day After Christmas

On the evening of December 26, 2024, in Manatee County, Florida, a homeowner demonstrated the importance of being prepared to defend one’s home and loved ones. Two intruders forced their way into the home, but one of them would not leave alive. The incident...

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