Humor

Sad: Oregon Creamery’s Full Tub of Ice Cream Now Just a Tiny Micro-Pint Thanks to Inflation

OREGON — In yet another crushing blow to dessert lovers and economic optimism, Oregon-based creamery Tillamaybe has officially replaced its iconic 48 oz ice cream tub with what it’s calling a "micro-pint" — a portion so small it legally qualifies as a sample. The company, long known for generous...

Oregon Democrats Introduce Bill to Replace Axe Throwing With Safe Space Rubber Dart Toss

SALEM, OR — Concerned that the ancient, rugged art of axe throwing may be promoting toxic masculinity, Oregon Democrats have introduced a bold new bill that would ban the practice statewide and replace it with something more emotionally enriching: the Safe Space Rubber Dart Toss. House Bill 1147,...

M&Ms To Be Coated With Kale Slime Following New Ban on Food Dyes

U.S. — In a bold new step to ensure Americans never enjoy anything ever again, candy manufacturer Mars announced that all colorful M&Ms will now be coated in a thick layer of organic kale slime following HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s sweeping ban on artificial food dyes. The move comes...

New Study: Meth Users Found to Be World’s Leading Experts in Unattended Tool Acquisition

EUGENE, OR — A shocking new study released Monday has confirmed what many suspected all along: meth users are now the world’s foremost experts in unattended tool acquisition, also known in some legal circles as “theft.” The study, conducted by researchers who asked to remain anonymous for “obvious...

Pope Urges Stoners for Christ to Blaze Responsibly This Easter Sunday

VATICAN CITY — As Easter Sunday and 4/20 prepare to overlap in a once-in-a-generation holy smokes collision, Pope Francis issued a pastoral message Friday urging members of Stoners for Christ to “celebrate the resurrection with joy, gratitude, and at least a basic understanding of their personal...
‘Living in Oregon’ according to Jeff Foxworthy is too funny

‘Living in Oregon’ according to Jeff Foxworthy is too funny

We haven't heard a lot from Jeff Foxworthy these days, but some of the things he had to say about living in Oregon couldn't be more accurate. HERE IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAS TO SAY ABOUT ‘LIVING IN OREGON’… If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and...

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