After nearly six long years in protective custody, emotional counseling, and what sources describe as “a very intensive bronze detox program,” Portland’s beloved elk statue is finally returning to downtown on April 12, 2026. City officials, along with the Portland...
Humor
Portland Erects Massive Tina Kotek Statue to Recognize Her ‘Impressive Rise’ to Sixth Most Unpopular Governor in America
A towering new monument debuted this week in Portland’s Kenton neighborhood, and city leaders say it commemorates one of Oregon’s most “remarkable recent achievements.” Standing a proud 31 feet tall in the town square, the statue honors Governor Tina Kotek’s...
Oregon Lawmakers Propose Monthly $25.99 Streaming Service To Access State’s Outdoor Spaces
SALEM, OR — In what officials are calling a “modern solution to the outdoor experience,” Oregon lawmakers this week unveiled a proposal to introduce a convenient $25.99 monthly subscription allowing residents to access the state’s forests, trails, rivers, and scenic...
Alarming Study Shows Average Oregonian Owns 47 Reusable Grocery Bags and Still Somehow Pays for Another One Anyway
CORVALLIS, OR — In a groundbreaking study that absolutely no one asked for, researchers confirmed Tuesday that the average Oregonian owns approximately 47 reusable grocery bags, yet continues to stand at checkout saying, “Oh… I forgot them,” before reluctantly...
Corvallis Student Claims Living In A Construction Site Porta Potty Is “Cheaper Than Rent”
CORVALLIS, OR — In what housing experts are calling “a troubling but financially sound decision,” a 20-year-old college student has reportedly moved into a construction-site porta-potty near campus after calculating that it was still significantly cheaper than renting...
16 Oregon Towns Where You Never Leave, Develop a Drinking Problem, and Hit on the Same People at the Same Bar for Eternity
There are Oregon towns you pass through.There are Oregon towns you stay in for a bit.And then there are Oregon towns that quietly enroll you in something permanent. Nobody ever announces they’re staying forever. They say things like “just for now,” or “until I figure...
Seagull Maintains Unbroken Eye Contact While Committing Fry Theft
CANNON BEACH, OR — Witnesses confirmed Tuesday that a local seagull brazenly stole several French fries from an unattended basket while maintaining prolonged, unblinking eye contact with the victim, clearly signaling that the theft was both intentional and...
Oregon Government Seeks Another $500 Billion to Retry Same Ideas That Failed the First Six Times
SALEM, OR — Standing beneath a banner reading “Progress Takes Time (And Money)”, Oregon leaders this week announced a bold new plan to address homelessness, housing affordability, addiction, and public safety by requesting another $500 billion to retry the same...
This Innocent-Looking Rock in Bend Has Wrecked So Many Cars It Has a Fan Club
Every town has a legend. Some have haunted bridges. Others have mysterious lights in the woods. Bend, naturally, has a rock in a parking lot that eats cars for sport. Locals call him B.O.B.Short for Big Obvious Boulder (and yes, the irony is part of the experience)....
26 Ways To Be A Less Problematic White Person While Still Appearing White In Portland
PORTLAND, OR — As Portland moves deeper into 2026, experts say the city has reached a critical moment: how to allow white people to continue appearing white while dramatically reducing the harm associated with it. According to local activists, DEI consultants, and at...
Portland Yoga Scene Thrives Amid Reports That Downtown Is Making a Comeback
PORTLAND, OR — City leaders and local news outlets confirmed this week that Portland’s downtown is officially “back,” citing increased foot traffic, renewed holiday shopping interest, and a thriving public yoga scene that appears to require no studios, memberships, or...
Area Man Behind on Rent Says He’s ‘Treating Himself’ While Shopping at Tiny Overpriced Hippie Grocery Store
EUGENE, OR — Despite being nearly three weeks behind on rent and actively refusing to open his banking app, local man Aaron L., 34, confirmed Tuesday that stopping by a tiny, overpriced hippie grocery store was “exactly what he needed right now.” “I’ve just been under...











