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Scientists Confirm Earth Fully Healed Thanks To Oregon’s 5-Cent Bag Fee
SALEM, Ore. — After decades of concern over melting glaciers, rising oceans, drought, wildfires, plastic pollution and the slow destruction of the natural world, scientists announced this week that the planet has finally been restored to…
Bend City Council Considers Ban On Vehicles Without Bike Rack, Ski Rack, Or Kayak Straps
BEND, OR — In what city officials are calling a long-overdue effort to “protect Bend’s visual identity,” the Bend City Council is reportedly considering a new ordinance that would prohibit vehicles from operating within city limits…
Portland Man on Meth Breaks Into Business, Gets Shot, Then Sues for $10 Million and Gets Nothing
A bizarre Portland case involving an early-morning break-in, a business owner jolted awake inside his own building, a pair of bolt cutters, three gunshots, and a $10 million lawsuit has finally reached its conclusion, and it…
19 Reasons You Should Definitely Move To Oregon (Satire)
Thinking about moving to Oregon? Excellent decision. Ignore the rain, housing prices, wildfire smoke, traffic, taxes, and enormous earthquake fault lurking offshore. Those aren't problems. They're amenities. Here are 19 reasons you should absolutely pack up…
Shirtless Hiker Holds Glorious Pose For Five Minutes So Nobody Mistakes The Majestic Mountain For The Main Attraction
MOUNT HOOD NATIONAL FOREST, Ore. — Pausing at a sweeping overlook surrounded by snowcapped peaks, old-growth forest, and a vast mountain valley, local hiker Brandon Mercer reportedly removed his shirt and struck a glorious hands-on-hips pose…
Local Deer Photographs Goofy Human Taking 47th Identical Selfie Of The Morning
CANNON BEACH, Ore. — A local black-tailed deer captured a remarkable photograph Saturday morning of an Oregon Coast visitor taking what witnesses confirmed was her 47th nearly identical selfie in front of Haystack Rock. The deer,…
Kotek Announces Plan To Unite Oregon This Fourth Of July By Posting Another Divisive Facebook Rant About Trump
SALEM, OR — As Oregonians celebrate the Fourth of July today with fireworks, family barbecues, flags, parades, and the annual tradition of pretending everyone can get along for at least one afternoon, Governor Tina Kotek is…