CANNON BEACH, OR — In a move that shocked no one familiar with Oregon’s coastal crime wave of airborne kleptomaniacs, Cannon Beach has officially been ranked the most scenic location to witness a seagull violently rob a child of a full-size burrito in broad daylight....
BEND, OR — In what experts are calling a “statistical anomaly” and “spiritual awakening,” local resident Tyler Hensley reportedly completed an entire five-minute conversation on Friday without once mentioning that he mountain bikes. The exchange took place at a local...
PORTLAND, OR — As the skies clear and temperatures begin to climb, Oregonians are once again flocking to their favorite summer destination: the driver’s seat of a stationary vehicle, parked on a half-paved road, silently observing a group of neon-clad men holding STOP...
SALEM, OR — In a move critics are calling “a bold leap backward,” Oregon lawmakers behind controversial gun control Measure 114 have now set their sights on a new threat: the 1985 Nintendo Zapper. Dubbed Measure 114½, the proposed legislation would ban the sale,...
GRANTS PASS, OR — In today’s chaotic world of sugar crashes, artificial additives, and PTO meetings that never end, one Oregon mother says she’s found the perfect solution: meth. Specifically, Mountain Meth — a bold new energy drink that skips the synthetic...
