CASCADE RANGE, OR — A sense of awe swept through the hiking community this weekend as yet another rock stack met its dramatic end—this time at the foot (literally) of a mysterious figure some are beginning to call The Cairn Slayer.
Witnesses say the man appeared out of the fog along the Pacific Crest Trail, wearing a weathered flannel, trail-worn boots, and a silent determination. Without a word, he sprinted toward a freshly constructed rock stack, leapt into the air, and unleashed a flying kick of such righteous fury that the stones scattered like the hopes of a first-time REI shopper.
“I thought he was just a legend,” said 62-year-old hiker Ron Templeton, holding back tears. “People said he haunted the mountains, showing up whenever the trail got too Instagrammy. But I saw him. He’s real. He’s beautiful.”
This marks the ninth confirmed stack obliteration in Oregon’s backcountry this season, all matching the same description: a well-placed flying kick, a flannel-clad ghost of vengeance, and no trace left behind—except peace.
Park rangers have declined to identify the man but did note an uptick in cairn destruction that “feels divinely orchestrated.” One ranger, who asked to remain anonymous, simply said, “Wherever there’s balance where balance shouldn’t be… he finds it.”
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Some say he lives in the forest, trained by marmots. Others believe he was once a geology major betrayed by a rock-stacking cult. All we know is: he kicks with purpose.
At press time, a group of influencers building a heart-shaped rock sculpture near Crater Lake reportedly fled into the woods after hearing a single pinecone fall behind them.
