NOGALES, AZ — Migrants attempting to cross the U.S.-Mexico border fled in confusion and terror this week after federal agents deployed a towering AI-generated hologram of former President Donald Trump riding a bald eagle, sources confirmed.
Witnesses say the projection—roughly 50 feet tall and glowing like a radioactive Mount Rushmore—swooped down from the desert sky accompanied by patriotic guitar riffs and an eagle scream that echoed for miles. The AI Trump reportedly pointed directly at the migrants and bellowed, “This is America. Get legal or get flapped.”
“I dropped my backpack and ran,” said one man, who had hoped to seek asylum but instead found himself face-to-face with what he described as “a glowing orange god riding bird lightning.” Others described the scene as “confusing,” “biblical,” and “like a Monster Energy drink commercial directed by a lunatic.”
Federal agents said the plan, which falls under a new initiative called “Operation Freedom Laser,” was developed after focus groups showed more people were intimidated by AI-generated Trump imagery than traditional law enforcement tactics. “We tested it against drones, dogs, even a Ted Nugent playlist on loop,” one agent said. “Nothing clears a crowd like a 4D Trump screaming ‘Tremendous border security!’ from an eagle’s back.”
As of Thursday, DHS was preparing additional projections for future use, including Trump breakdancing with the Founding Fathers and a rotating hologram of his face slowly morphing into Mount Rushmore. “If this doesn’t secure the border,” one agent said, “we're gonna start deepfaking Lincoln riding a grizzly.”
