VATICAN CITY — As Easter Sunday and 4/20 prepare to overlap in a once-in-a-generation holy smokes collision, Pope Francis issued a pastoral message Friday urging members of Stoners for Christ to “celebrate the resurrection with joy, gratitude, and at least a basic understanding of their personal THC limits.”
“Let us not be so lifted by the Spirit that we forget where we parked our scooters after Mass,” the Pontiff declared from the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica, waving to a crowd that included rosary-clutching pilgrims, sandal-wearing theology majors, and one guy in a tie-dye cassock holding a sign reading WWBD: What Would Blaze Do?
The Pope’s message—delivered with incense thick enough to make the Swiss Guard giggle—emphasized moderation in this rare liturgical-cannabis convergence, reminding the faithful to avoid “greening out during the Gloria” and “accidentally eating all the communion wafers during a holy snack attack.”
Vatican insiders confirmed the Pope had been briefed on the subculture of Stoners for Christ, who combine passionate love for Jesus with an equally passionate love for that fire sticky-icky. While he respects their enthusiasm, Francis gently reminded the group that “the Holy Spirit is not indica” and asked them to refrain from hotboxing the Nativity diorama.
“Celebrate the miracle of the empty tomb,” the Pope said, “but don’t forget to air out the rental van before Grandma’s Easter brunch.”
Moments later, a man in a poncho was seen gently weeping beneath the Sistine Chapel ceiling, whispering, “Michelangelo definitely painted this for me.”
