SILVER FALLS STATE PARK, OR — What began as a peaceful afternoon hike took an unexpectedly magical turn this week when a group of Oregon hikers reported being stopped by a robed wizard demanding “their finest marijuanas.”
“He looked exactly like Gandalf,” said hiker Kyle B., still visibly in awe. “Long beard, staff, mystical presence. Like, if Gandalf had just discovered dispensaries. He literally said, ‘Hand forth your most potent chewables, that I may commune with the forest spirits and also chill hard.’”
The wizard, who introduced himself as “Mithrandank the Gray,” emerged from the mist near Lower South Falls and solemnly warned that their journey could not continue without proper tribute: “The Leaf of Elevation, in gummy or soft chew form, blessed by the dispensaries of Men.”
“He didn’t want flower. Not vapes. Only gummies,” said Kyle. “He said joints ‘cloud the mind of a seer’ but gummies ‘whisper truths through time.’”
Witnesses say the wizard accepted two cherry-flavored 10mg squares and one sour apple ring, muttered something about the “Council of Corvallis,” then vanished into the woods — leaving behind nothing but sandalwood smoke and faint echoes of “Your dosage shall not pass!”
The Oregon Parks and Recreation Department (OPRD) issued a brief advisory following the encounter:
“Spring trail season may result in increased activity from ancient or interdimensional beings. Hikers are advised to share respectfully, remain hydrated, and never argue dosage with someone holding a carved staff.”
An OPRD spokesperson from the Division of Mystical Trail Safety declined to comment on the wizard’s credentials, but did note:
“We have no official stance on THC tolerance in ethereal beings — especially those operating outside time.”
According to the hikers, once the gummies kicked in, the wizard returned unexpectedly — now wearing what appeared to be a cloak made of moss and REI tags. He invited them to sit in a circle and stare into a glowing rock he referred to only as “The Palantír, but like… recreational.”
“We started hearing the trees talk,” said Kyle. “One of them was named Chadwick and he told me I needed to forgive my dad. Pretty sure that was real.”
The group claims they spent roughly four hours communing with what the wizard called “the Spirit of the Falls,” which may have been a mossy boulder shaped vaguely like a face. At one point, a bald eagle landed nearby and winked — though the hikers admit this part is “hotly debated.”
Before parting ways, Mithrandank gave each of them a smooth pebble “to remember the moment” and whispered, “You now carry the burden of chill. Use it wisely.”
The hikers have since renamed their group chat “The Fellowship of the RING Gummies” and confirmed they’re “spiritually aligned,” planning to return next weekend with more gummies — just in case the wizard needs a refill.
