Health Experts Warn Gluten Found in Fentanyl Could Be Hazardous to Your Health

by | Mar 2, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire

Share This Article

PORTLAND, OR — Health experts have today issued a shocking warning that fentanyl circulating on the streets of Portland has tested positive for gluten, a protein composite normally found in wheat, rye, and barley.

In response, a new advocacy group called Action on Gluten has been formed to help fentanyl users avoid "hidden gluten" and encourage dealers to provide a safer, gluten-free alternative for Oregon's opioid-dependent communities.

The organization claims that with proper awareness and community support, gluten can be eliminated from fentanyl entirely within a year, ensuring a cleaner product and a healthier future for those who enjoy an occasional recreational overdose.

Action on Gluten spokesperson Simon Krueger explained, "Gluten is not only dangerous but also highly addictive. When added to fentanyl, an otherwise fairly safe and relaxing drug, the consequences can be severe."

"Most dealers are good, honest businesspeople who care about the well-being of their customers. Unfortunately, a small number of bad actors are contaminating their supply with this insidious ingredient, putting lives at risk."

Do you love Oregon?

Sign up for monthly emails full of local travel inspiration and fun trip ideas. In each newsletter we'll share upcoming events, new things to do, hot dining spots and great travel ideas.

Fentanyl Laced with Deadly Gluten

According to a recent study, over 80% of fentanyl users are unaware that their supply may contain gluten. Many Portlanders have reacted with shock, vowing to be more vigilant about where they source their preferred synthetic opioids.

Longtime fentanyl enthusiast Arnold Warren told That Oregon Life, "I've been feeling bloated, sluggish, and weirdly gassy after my usual doses. I assumed it was just the fentanyl, but now it all makes sense. It’s the gluten!"

Warren has since committed to a healthier lifestyle and plans to only use certified gluten-free fentanyl moving forward. "It's 2025. If I can get a vegan cheeseburger, I should be able to get fentanyl that won't upset my gut."

Health advocates urge all fentanyl users to ask their dealers about gluten content before making a purchase. Until stricter labeling laws are enforced, experts recommend carrying a gluten test kit or sticking to fentanyl sources that advertise as organic and locally sourced.


Share This Article

Written By Tyler James

Tyler James, founder of That Oregon Life, is a true Oregon native whose love for his state runs deep. Since the inception of the blog in 2013, his unbridled passion for outdoor adventures and the natural beauty of Oregon has been the cornerstone of his work. As a father to two beautiful children, Tyler is always in pursuit of new experiences to enrich his family’s life. He curates content that not only reflects his adventures but also encourages others to set out and create precious memories in the majestic landscapes of Oregon. Tyler's vision and guidance are integral to his role as publisher and editor, shaping the blog into a source of inspiration for exploring the wonders of Oregon.

Related Articles

X