PORTLAND, OR — Health experts have today issued a shocking warning that fentanyl circulating on the streets of Portland has tested positive for gluten, a protein composite normally found in wheat, rye, and barley.
In response, a new advocacy group called Action on Gluten has been formed to help fentanyl users avoid "hidden gluten" and encourage dealers to provide a safer, gluten-free alternative for Oregon's opioid-dependent communities.
The organization claims that with proper awareness and community support, gluten can be eliminated from fentanyl entirely within a year, ensuring a cleaner product and a healthier future for those who enjoy an occasional recreational overdose.
Action on Gluten spokesperson Simon Krueger explained, "Gluten is not only dangerous but also highly addictive. When added to fentanyl, an otherwise fairly safe and relaxing drug, the consequences can be severe."
"Most dealers are good, honest businesspeople who care about the well-being of their customers. Unfortunately, a small number of bad actors are contaminating their supply with this insidious ingredient, putting lives at risk."
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Fentanyl Laced with Deadly Gluten
According to a recent study, over 80% of fentanyl users are unaware that their supply may contain gluten. Many Portlanders have reacted with shock, vowing to be more vigilant about where they source their preferred synthetic opioids.
Longtime fentanyl enthusiast Arnold Warren told That Oregon Life, "I've been feeling bloated, sluggish, and weirdly gassy after my usual doses. I assumed it was just the fentanyl, but now it all makes sense. It’s the gluten!"
Warren has since committed to a healthier lifestyle and plans to only use certified gluten-free fentanyl moving forward. "It's 2025. If I can get a vegan cheeseburger, I should be able to get fentanyl that won't upset my gut."
Health advocates urge all fentanyl users to ask their dealers about gluten content before making a purchase. Until stricter labeling laws are enforced, experts recommend carrying a gluten test kit or sticking to fentanyl sources that advertise as organic and locally sourced.
