Somewhere Deep in the Wilderness — Self-proclaimed hiking purist Brent "NaturePurist87" Henderson, 34, was reportedly furious Sunday morning after discovering that a so-called “secret” waterfall hike he read about on a hiking blog was, in fact, no longer a secret. According to witnesses, Henderson began muttering his dissatisfaction as early as the trailhead, where several cars were already parked, shattering his expectation of untouched solitude.
“This was supposed to be a hidden gem,” Henderson grumbled loudly as a family of four passed him on the narrow path, their brightly colored sneakers offending his sensibilities. “This is exactly why you don’t tell anyone about these places. Social media ruins everything.”
Henderson, who found the hike through an article titled “10 Hidden Waterfalls You Must Visit This Summer,” expressed shock and dismay at encountering others who, presumably, read the same blog post. His frustration mounted as he arrived at the waterfall only to find several people lounging on rocks and snapping photos. According to onlookers, Henderson glared at the crowd for several minutes before whipping out his phone to angrily capture his own “pure, authentic” shot of the waterfall — carefully excluding other hikers from the frame.
“He kept loudly sighing and saying stuff like, ‘This used to be a secret,’” said Sarah Green, a mother of two who had also discovered the hike online. “I guess he didn’t realize that if he found it on the internet, other people might too. But sure, Brent, it’s your hidden treasure.”
Henderson’s indignation peaked when he spotted a group of teenagers taking selfies near the waterfall’s base. “They’re just here for likes,” he reportedly hissed to no one in particular while discreetly adjusting the filter on his own Instagram Story.
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Later, in a post captioned “Respect nature by staying out of it,” Henderson lamented the hike’s “overexposure” while sharing multiple carefully curated photos of the waterfall with his 437 followers. “This used to be a place of peace,” his caption read. “Now it’s overrun with people who clearly don’t care about nature as much as I do.”
Other hikers reported several awkward encounters with Henderson throughout the trail. “He told me I wasn’t a ‘real hiker’ because I wasn’t wearing boots,” said Julie Matthews, a nurse on her day off, who had opted for trail runners. “Then he accused me of ruining the ecosystem when I stopped to take a snack break. Meanwhile, I saw him toss his apple core into the bushes, so…”
Henderson’s tirade continued even after the hike, when he stopped by a nearby café to pen a scathing review on the same blog where he had discovered the trail. Titled “The Death of the Secret Waterfall,” the post accused the author of “irresponsible journalism” for exposing the location and proposed implementing strict gatekeeping measures to preserve nature’s integrity. Ironically, Henderson’s post included detailed GPS coordinates of other “hidden” hikes he felt were still sufficiently obscure.
Witnesses report that Henderson eventually left the trail in a huff after unsuccessfully attempting to shoo away a family enjoying a picnic nearby. “It’s like he thought he was the only one who deserved to be there,” Matthews said. “Honestly, if he wanted solitude, he should’ve stayed home and Googled stock photos of waterfalls.”
Despite his protests, Henderson’s photos from the hike were uploaded later that evening with captions encouraging his followers to “go explore” — though he added, in all caps, “BUT DON’T TELL ANYONE ELSE ABOUT THIS PLACE.”
Disclaimer: This article is satirical and intended for humorous purposes only. Any resemblance to real people, places, or entitled hikers is purely coincidental.
