by Tyler James | Apr 6, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
In a baffling but somehow deeply Oregonian development, state officials have confirmed that the recently vacated site of Haystack Rock at Cannon Beach has now been filled with the Oregon Pioneer—better known as the Gold Man from atop the Oregon State Capitol. The...
by Tyler James | Apr 6, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
PORTLAND, OR — Local accountant Greg Waller, 42, expressed mild admiration through clenched teeth Thursday evening as he sat motionless in traffic for the third consecutive hour due to a massive anti-Trump protest downtown. “This protest sure is neato,” Waller...
by Tyler James | Apr 6, 2025 | News, Satire
CANNON BEACH, Ore. – In what wildlife officials are calling “a majestic act of nature,” a tufted puffin at Cannon Beach reportedly took a perfectly aimed, suspiciously intentional poo directly onto the head of an unsuspecting tourist from Des Moines. Witnesses say the...
by Tyler James | Apr 5, 2025 | News, Satire
In a groundbreaking study that surprises absolutely no one, researchers have confirmed that 97% of the average person's time on streaming platforms is spent endlessly scrolling through titles while slowly losing the will to live—despite having more than six active...
by Tyler James | Apr 5, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
EUGENE, OR — City officials are urging residents to stop feeding psychedelic mushrooms to local squirrels, after what one parks employee described as a “full-blown squirrel consciousness shift” unfolded near the duck pond at Alton Baker Park earlier this week. “We’ve...
by Tyler James | Apr 5, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
SWEET HOME, OR — After weeks of intense financial planning and one extremely awkward meeting with a steak loan officer, local dad Ron Beckett has officially secured a down payment on two USDA Choice ribeye steaks—just in time for his long-awaited weekend BBQ. “We had...
by Tyler James | Apr 5, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
Salem, Oregon — In a moving display of parental love mixed with economic nihilism, local couple Doug and Melissa Jenkins sat their 17-year-old son Caleb down Tuesday night for what they solemnly called “The American Dream Talk”—a beloved Jenkins family tradition in...
by Tyler James | Apr 4, 2025 | Adventures, Humor, News, Satire
SPRINGFIELD, OR — Residents of a quiet suburban street were once again reassured by the familiar clanking of socket wrenches and muttered profanity echoing through the neighborhood as that really cool methy neighbor resumed work on his eternally disassembled Honda...
by Tyler James | Apr 4, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
BEND, OR — Brad Collins, a proud Bend transplant who moved from San Diego just 13 months ago, is reportedly really getting sick of all the Californians flooding into town like they own the place. “Everywhere I look it’s Teslas, goldendoodles, and someone in a...
by Tyler James | Apr 3, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
“At first it was just trees. Then it was THE trees.” OREGON CASCADES — A groundbreaking new study from the Pacific Northwest Institute of Vibes has revealed what most Oregon hikers already know in their hearts: hiking is pretty mid until the edibles hit. According to...
